Bus Stop by Joey Jones

Bus Stop

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"Bus Stop" by Joey Jones.

Use no scoring.

The story headline is "Verb Verb Not-Really-A-Mini-Comp Game"

When play begins:
say "You, Alf, Baz, and Charmaine are hurtling along in a gutted out Fiat Punto. The rozzas are hot on your heels and there's only one way you're getting out of this: you gotta bus one of them."

The Car Chase is a room. "[if the fiat is unbussed]You're driving, Alf and Baz are clinging to the frame, Charmaine's standing through the sunroof. It's all bleedin['] precarious and the rozzas are close behind.[otherwise]You're gunning it through Gunnersbury but there's a bloody double-decker coming straight at you and the other two aren't looking too chuffed about it either.[end if]"

Alf is a man in the car chase. He is scenery. The description of Alf is "Top bloke but full of bad ideas."

After waiting:
say "You speed on a bit."

Baz is a man in the car chase. He is scenery. The description of Baz is "Baz didn't cause the bother this time but he's usually a thorn in your backside."

Charmaine is a woman in the car chase. She is scenery. The description of Charmaine is "Nice bird, though she'd like as not kick you for saying that."

The Fiat Punto is scenery in the Car Chase. The description of the Fiat is "No doors, no windows, no back, barely a front, only a driver's seat. Perfect for banger racing.". Understand "car" and "vehicle" as the Fiat.

The fiat punto can be bussed or unbussed. The Fiat is unbussed.

Every turn when the fiat is unbussed:
say "[one of]You're almost rear-ended zipping under the Chiswick flyover. Was a bad plan to go this far west.[or]Shoulda spent dosh on a car that wasn't hot, you've gotta bus someone fast before the rozzas get you![or]You taking the Michael?! Bus someone now![or][too late][stopping]".

To say too late:
say "Too late! Them bastards have caught up with you. Now it's down the pound quicker than you can say 'How's you're father'...";
end the story.

Instead of listening, say "Cor blimey, them sirens are a pain in the [Italic type]Britney Spears[roman type]."

Bussing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "bus [something]" as bussing.

Check bussing:
if the fiat is bussed, say "Uh, let's maybe deal with the oncoming bus?" instead;
if the noun is not a person, say "You can't bus that, you muppet!" instead;
if the noun is yourself, say "You must be having a giraffe! I'm not Mother bleedin['] Teresa." instead;
if the noun is alf begin;
say "Yeah, Alf deserves it, it was his idea to go up Syon anyway. You give him a quick shove and he hurtles out, bouncing off the pavement. All the coppers swing by to pick him up and you begin to make a get away driving up a wrong way street.";
remove Alf from play;
now the fiat is bussed;
now the bus is in the car chase;
end if;
if the noun is Baz begin;
say "Baz is a nasty little bloke, but he's your oldest mate, so hopefully he'll forgive you. You give him a quick shove and he hurtles out, bouncing off the pavement. All the coppers swing by to pick him up and you begin to make a get away driving up a wrong way street.";
remove Baz from play;
now the fiat is bussed;
now the bus is in the car chase;
end if;
if the noun is Charmaine begin;
say "Charmaine was just along for the ride anyway. You give her a quick shove and she hurtles out, bouncing off the pavement. All the coppers swing by to pick her up and you begin to make a get away driving up a wrong way street.";
remove Baz from play;
now the fiat is bussed;
now the bus is in the car chase;
end if.

The bus is scenery. The description is "Double-decker, red as a cherry flavoured French letter. Weren't they decommissioned? Any case, it's heading straight at you."

Instead of doing anything other than waiting, listening, looking, examining, stopping or bussing: say "[first time]Bloomin['] hell, you're in a car chase not your old Mum's front room. [only]You can drive or stop[if the fiat is unbussed] or bus one of your mates[end if]."

The police are scenery in the car chase. The description is "The rozzas are nearly caught up with you and they don't look happy if those flashing lights are anything to go by."

Understand "rozza/rozzas/cop/cops/coppers/copper" as the police.

Understand "drive" and "swerve" and "accelerate" as waiting.

Every turn while the bus is in the car chase:
say "[one of]It never rains but it pours: there's only a sodding bus coming straight towards you.[or]Yeah you should probably do something about this oncoming bus.[or]The bus is braking and beeping but it's still gonna hit.[or][bus crash][stopping]".

To say bus crash:
say "In a blind panic you drive straight into the bloody bus. Whatcha go and do a thing like that for?";
end the story.

Stopping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "stop" and "brake" as stopping.

Carry out stopping:
if the fiat is unbussed begin;
say "You slam on the brakes, and the rozzas surround you. Maybe it'll look better in court this way.";
end the story;
end if;
if the fiat is bussed begin;
say "You whack on the brakes before the double-decker decks you one. It swerves over at the coppers. Top banana! This'll buy you the time you need to get over to Hackney. Bish bash bosh and you only lost one of the gang. Pints all round!";
end the story;
end if.