Save The Last Dance by Atma

Save The Last Dance

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Section 1 - Metadata

The story title is "Save The Last Dance". 
The story author is "Atma Weapon". 
The story headline is "An Interactive Disc 1 Climax". 
The story genre is "Sordid Sorcery". 
The release number is 1. 
The story description is "Lady Siofra Aine Whelan is at it again; stuck at her first major story boss of this quest, she's about to land the final blow, but she doesn't quite know how. One wrong move could mean doing the whole thing over, or lead to consequences she never intended for. However, one thing's for certain; the next move ends it, and it's her turn to input commands. Can she win and move the story forward, or will she be stuck in a cycle of never-ending savescumming?" 
The story creation year is 2017. 

The maximum score is 0.

When play begins: say "It's been a long day's fight. 

That's to say, you're finally at the end of your journey. The main quest will be much longer, but after this fight, the first part of it will be done and you can rest a bit. Or regroup. You're really not sure yet, since you don't know what's going to happen. You can still whiff and lose it all. Those final actions just as you're sure of winning are always the hardest to pick. You want to do it and you want to look hot doing it. You're Siofra, the mightiest paladin this side of the wrong side of the tracks, and if there are ladies present, for sure, you want to impress them. 

Your opponent, a battered, exhausted, and angry looking elf named Braveleaf Axewound, looks at you, sneering, low on energy. 'What are you waiting for? Finish me off, you dumb broad! Or ain't you woman enough to?' she spits at you, blood dripping from her lips. That's kind of hot. Your only teammate, an elven pirate by the name of Susan The XIII, shrugs. 'She's all yours, knight. Let's make this lass cry our names!' she laughs, waiting, pistol and cutlass ready just in case.

A flash of fire trails from the tip of your enchanted glaive, Flametongue, as you enter a confident and strong fighting stance. A smirk spreads across your lips, tired as you are, you insist on winning in style. The moment of truth is at hand, hero. 

It's time to save the last dance."

Section 2 - Siofra

Siofra is a woman. The player is Siofra. Understand "Siofra" as Siofra.

Siofra carries a mackerel. The description of the mackerel is "Some woman insisting on calling herself Jackass gave this to you. Hey, when in Rome."

Siofra carries a questionable magazine. The description of the magazine is "It's got titties on the cover and promises unique stories of action and intrigue. Of course it only costs, like, two copper."

Section 3 - Unique Commands

Understand "cast" as casting. Understand "chant" as casting. Casting is an action applying to nothing. Instead of casting, say "Well, that sure was something."

Understand "magic missile" as using magic missile. Understand "use magic missile" as using magic missile. Understand "cast magic missile" as using magic missile. Using magic missile is an action applying to nothing. 

Understand "xyzzy" as using xyzzy. Understand "cast xyzzy" as using xyzzy. Understand "use xyzzy" as using xyzzy. Using xyzzy is an action applying to nothing.

Understand "dead screw dragon" as using dead screw dragon. Understand "use dead screw dragon" as using dead screw dragon.  Understand "cast dead screw dragon" as using dead screw dragon.  Using dead screw dragon is an action applying to nothing.

Flirting with is an action applying to one thing.  Understand "flirt with [someone]" as flirting with. Understand "tease [someone]" as flirting with.

Flashing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "flash [someone]" as flashing.

A thing has some text called printing. The printing of a  thing is usually "blank". 

Understand the command "read" as something new. Understand "read [something]" as reading. Reading is an action applying to one thing. Check reading: if the printing of the noun is "blank", say "Nothing is written on [the noun]." instead. Carry out reading: say "You read [printing of the noun][line break]". Report reading: do nothing.

Section 4 - The Arena

The Ruined Colosseum is a room. "A colosseum from The Dark Ages used by corrupt royalty and rogues alike to enact horrible, bloody entertainment for the masses to place bets on. A fitting place to take down the current major story boss. You imagine the seats filled with fangirling women cheering you on and wishing you victory. All that's left is you, your opponent, dust, and victory. Or defeat. And for some reason, a rusty old phone booth. Probably so the loser could call someone who cared after the fight.

Braveleaf glares at you from several feet away, waiting for you to make your glorious final move. What will it be, boss?"

A flask is here. The flask is scenery. Understand "ye flask" as the flask.

A phone booth is here. The phone booth is scenery. 

Dennis is a direction.  The opposite of Dennis is Dennys.
Dennys is a direction. The opposite of Dennys is Dennis.

Section 5 - Braveleaf and Susan

Braveleaf is a woman. Braveleaf is in the Ruined Colosseum. Braveleaf is scenery.

Susan is a woman. Susan is in the Ruined Colosseum. Susan is scenery.

Section 6 - Ends

Instead of using magic missile: say "You attack the darkness, but suddenly have a craving for Mountain Dew. You're not even sure what that is, but it sounds really refreshing right now. However, the person in charge of the maps and dice nearby is getting fed up with your shenanigans, and it would do you wise to behave a bit better. I mean, it is their house you're playing at. What a waste of a turn that was."; End the story saying "If there are any girls there, you totally wanna do them."

Instead of using dead screw dragon: say "Stop me if you heard this one, but a blonde and a redhead enter a bar and... Okay but really, you were off in your mother's homeland, the amazoness islands of Labrysinnia, to visit your old fencing instructor. Along the way, you were distracted by this huge-tittied blonde as you so described her to yourself, and she was like, totally doing this killer ninja breakdancing shit. One thing lead to another, and it takes two to tango, and after dancing the night away in that oh so special way, you got to actually dancing and she taught you how to do this sweet drill kick that had the power of like, all of the dragons. 

You decide now is the time to imitate that and use what you've learned to take Braveleaf out. However, you fail, and wind up landing ass over tea-kettle. For some reason, your chainmail bikini comes flying off. You'd be ashamed if you knew what that word meant.

Katsuragi more like go fuck yourself."; End the story saying "For justice's sake, decency will not abide you."

Instead of using xyzzy: say "This isn't the right kind of cave for your preferred style of spelunking. Ey-yo!"; End the story saying "At least you're not being eaten by a Grue. Wait, wrong game."

Instead of flirting with Siofra: say "Everyone in the crowd jeers; your loss has been sealed due to your own immense ego. Now you're really dating yourself."; End the story saying "If nothing else, you know you won't disappoint yourself in the sack."

Instead of flirting with Braveleaf: say "Just because she's called Axewound doesn't mean you need to call the paramedic, honey."; End the story saying "Next time, remember to bring your first aid kit."

Instead of flirting with Susan: say "Normally she'd take it as a go, but you're in the middle of a dirty colosseum and she doesn't want to get sand in her you know what. And by that I mean her hair. Where did you think I meant, you perv?"; End the story saying "There will be no scissoring of timbers here, me hearty."

Instead of flashing Siofra: say "Like you don't see them enough everyday. Good job giving Braveleaf an easy target though. Talk about splitting melons!"; End the story saying "And this would be why Fyrshala invented superglue."

Instead of flashing Braveleaf: say "The warrior stops and stares.  And not in the way you'd like. She takes off her own top, revealing an absolutely amazonian pair, dwarfing yours. Wait, isn't she supposed to be an elf?"; End the story saying "This is what they mean by pride goeth before a fall."

Instead of flashing Susan: say "Your friend Susan catcalls and whistles, leaving you distracted just long enough to be broadsided by the side of the broad you were supposed to be fighting."; End the story saying "Touchdown in the endzone. Good thing those round dribbly bits of yours can't be spiked."

Instead of taking the flask: say "Ye cannot get the flask. It is firmly bolted to a wall which is bolted to the rest of the dungeon which is probably bolted to a castle. Never you mind."; End the story saying "At least it wasn't a load-bearing flask."

Instead of doing something to Dennis: say "That jimberjam really makes the outfit."; End the story saying "Go back to your tiny life."

Instead of doing something to Dennys: say "You run into a bad social media post. Somehow, it's more popular than the same joke you made yesterday."; End the story saying "fukkin twitter"

Instead of doing something to up: say "Is this your way of saying you wanna get high? Go stand on a toilet."; End the story saying "Winners don't do drugs"

Instead of doing something to down: say "Uh, we at Devil Dyke Industries would like to inform you that we could not secure the AO rating and that won't be happening here anytime soon."; End the story saying "This story contains explicit content"

Instead of doing something to North: say "How brilliant. Your dumb ass walks straight into Braveleaf. She cuts you down easily, booting you to the game over screen. Susan would revive you, but she's one of those AI controlled bastards that never seems to hit the right command at the right time. Sorry about that."; End the story saying "You complain to the devs about the battle system"

Instead of doing something to South: say "You know you're not allowed to run from bossfights. Susan attempts a desperation attack to save your ass, but Braveleaf ends you pretty smoothly on her next blow."; End the story saying "heh this game said blow"

Instead of doing something to East: say "You decide you're going to bump into Susan, for some odd reason. Yeah, she's hot, but bumping her doesn't mean she's going to bump uglies with you right now. Or pretties."; End the story saying "You have obtained an ending in a video game"

Instead of doing something to West: say "Go west, young Siofra"; End the story saying "Westward Expansion? More like Bustward Expansion"

Instead of doing something to Northeast: say "Because going north and east both ended so well for you, didn't it?"; End the story saying "You are not the weapon that can surpass Metal Gear"

Instead of doing something to Northwest: say "Oh dang, is that your favorite taco  truck parked over there? And no, we don't mean a brothel. The smell is heavenly."; End the story saying "Hungry? Have a Snickers"

Instead of doing something to Southeast: say "The river needs crossing. You decide, as stubborn as you are, to ford it. Susan has drowned, as goes all your clothing and bullets."; End the story saying "You have died of dysentery"

Instead of doing something to Southwest: say "You hear this is where the best BBQ in all the land is. Smoking cages, rivers of sauce, and calories more than you ever learned to count. Do  you know what goes good with chicken breast? Why, this double entendre of course."; End the story saying "You are both a breast and a thigh woman"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the mackerel: say "You have an irresistable urge to devour it. You do. You're lucky you're not an android, or your blood would be congealing pretty hard right now."; End the story saying "It's the aji wo kutta of your life."

Instead of doing something other than examining with the questionable magazine: say "The first line you read is 'Her little mounds were but little mochi cakes next to Nemu's jugs of wonder.' Even you're so offended you throw the magazine down in disgust in front of your opponent, whom picks it up. And even SHE'S so offended she calls the whole fight off."; End the story saying "You can't believe they put nice twice that close together in one sentence. So much for grammatical aesthetic."

Instead of taking the phone booth: say "It didn't work in the original and it isn't working here either."; End the story saying "You have died"

Instead of pushing the phone booth: say "You give the damn phone booth a mighty push and watch as, in a brilliant slow-motion display, it topples over, glass sides shattering onto the lawn, welded door crumpling under the impact, the phone itself flying off the hook and landing pathetically in a mass of metal and plastic. You have the distinct feeling that the booth will bother you no more.[line break][line break]Unfortunately for you that's not what you were meant to be doing. Braveleaf pushes you over on top of it and wins anyways."; End the story saying "You almost won"

Instead of doing something other than pushing or taking with the phone booth: say "You'd have better luck with the one out in Mojave. Whatever that is."; End the story saying "To make a collect call, just dial down the center, but that's what she said."

Instead of examining Siofra: say "Just to be sure, you look down and yup, those are definitely your boobs. Who's rocking the Red Sonja look? Why, it's you baby, it's all you."; End the story saying "Red Sonja is not canon to this universe"

Instead of touching Siofra: say "Dude, lady, come on, do that in private. Fucking goddamn exhibitionists."; End the story saying "They named an inappropriate gesture after you"

Instead of smelling Siofra: say "No, it's not awkward at all to pause a fight and check yourself. Absolutely not a single bit. Just be glad they haven't invented body spray yet."; End the story saying "Employees must wash hands before returning from the restroom"

Instead of tasting or eating Siofra: say "There was still some of your sauce from your leftover dim sum, which you write off on your taxes as war rations, and you were pretty sure it was still fresh.[line break][line break]

It wasn't. Also that's gross."; End the story saying "You missed out on opening a franchise"

Instead of listening to Siofra: say "You harken back to that small stint you had as a bard a few years back, singing bawdy ballads and convincing cute waitresses for a free meal. Unfortunately, the one CD you recorded never sold. So you went back to the church, you loser. And you were so sure it'd be a hit, too.[line break][line break]You kind of just lay down and give up, humming one of your sadder ballads to yourself. Oh, what could have been."; End the story saying "Siofra is played by Michelle Rodriguez and dubbed into Japanese by Park Romi"

Instead of examining Susan: say "She's hot, she's tan, she's showing skin. Arr, scissor me timbers indeed."; End the story saying "You lost all for the sake of a bad lesbian joke"

Instead of touching Susan: say "You decide to go for the indirect approach; a certain blonde pal of yours once showed you this technique. It would surely distract someone and earn you more time to finish this properly. You sneak up from behind and grope Susan.[line break][line break]Sadly, all this distracts is the audience."; End the story saying "You came in second for most votes for the new Queen of the Hooters Harem"

Instead of smelling Susan: say "There's no real need to; the obvious stench of grog is wafting all through the Colosseum. Though if she smelled any other way, you know something was wrong with her."; End the story saying "It's amazing how fast you get used to it"

Instead of tasting Susan: say "You could probably get drunk if you made out with her. Think about how much that'd cut down on your bar tabs Or don't, because it costs you your turn and you find yourself reloading."; End the story saying "Do you have a little Captain in you?"

Instead of listening to Susan: say "She's whistling one of your CDs more inappropriate songs. You're really proud of yourself. At least you have one true fan in the world."; End the story saying "At least you never sold out and your music abused for car commercials"

Instead of examining Braveleaf: say "Ever since your elven fencing mistress took your virginity at the young age of 14, you've had a Thing for pointy ears. Man, just look at the ones on her. 11/10 easy. You take a picture, so it'll last longer. You post it with hashtag Not The Boss Of Me. Those are some sweet likes rolling in."; End the story saying "You have been banned from Twitter for 7 days unless you delete the following offending tweets"

Instead of touching Braveleaf: say "This paragraph would be a hell of a lot more interesting if this game were meant for just the grownups. Instead, enjoy this fade to black. Suckers."; End the story saying "Please go to our website and download the 18+ de-censoring patch"

Instead of smelling Braveleaf: say "Blood. Sweat. Metal. Just how you like your antagonists to smell. Also the smell of your average knight convention, only this one's at least clean-shaven."; End the story saying "You unhygienic freak"

Instead of tasting Braveleaf: say "My lawyer forbids me from describing this act in public. Try again next time."; End the story saying "Use your own damn imagination, you perv"

Instead of listening to Braveleaf: say "That is the most unconvincing, least threatening growl you've ever heard coming from anyone's mouth or throat. You have to wonder if she's new to this or if badguys just really can't afford good theatre classes. A question for the ages, tho, as you crack up and lose your turn, winding up flat on your back and reloading your last save. Again. Dumbass."; End the story saying "The person who sold you gold audio cables was ripping you off, my dude"

Instead of attacking Siofra: say "You know what? You don't give a fuck anymore. Time to conk yourself in the head and get some sleep. Fuck everyone here, it's naptime."; End the story saying "stop hittin' yourself"

Instead of attacking Susan: say "Either the controller fipped out on you or you're that much of a sadist. Given the kind of person that would play this game, I'm gonna go ahead and say the safe money bet's on the latter. Meanie."; End the story saying "Your wagon has drowned"

Instead of attacking Braveleaf: say "Congratulations on picking a correct command and winning a first disc's end. You run up and do your default attack animation with Flametongue. Braveleaf fades from the battlefield and you do your victory pose alongside Susan. Points to be distributed to stuff are done so. A cutscene happens. There is voice acting. A startling revelation hooking you in another 800 hours occurs. Do not turn the power off as you switch discs."; End the story saying "You're winner."

Instead of waiting: say "Why the rush? You just got here. You may as well take a break and enjoy the scenery. Smell some flowers. Talk to a friend. Open up.  Get your ass handed to you immediately because you blew initiative and Braveleaf gets a critical on you the next turn."; End the story saying "Script happens, baby"

Instead of taking Siofra: say "Get Siofra is a movie about a lesbian loan shark from Tanjil kingdom and her wacky run-ins with the mob. It made almost four times as much gold as it cost to produce."; End the story saying "Ransom notes make the best writing pads according to literary agents"

Instead of taking Susan: say "You and Susan unleash your special team attack, where you recreate the pose from one of those cheap romance novels where the love interest is in a kilt and the maiden's bosoms are rather overly-shelved and perfectly shaped. It's probably got some horrible title like The Captain's Treasure. It's meant to act as a debuff. Somehow, it works, and Braveleaf cracks up at you two, forfeiting the match"; End the story saying "You are slightly disappointed you didn't get to act out the sex scene"

Instead of taking Braveleaf: say "You have added Braveleaf to your inventory. Somehow, this causes the game to bug out, and no matter what disc you load next, you find yourself in the game's memory, sound distorted, and before you know it you've clipped through to the ending cutscene. Your video is the top speedrun of the week. Congratulations."; End the story saying "You didn't even have to look under the truck"