Suddenly (Seeking) Susan by Atma

Suddenly (Seeking) Susan

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The story title is "Suddenly (Seeking) Susan".
The story author is "Atma Weapon".
The story headline is "An Interactive Bounty".
The story genre is "Piracy".
The release number is 1.
The story description is "Susans have the worst luck".
The story creation year is 2020.


Section 1 - The Player

The player is a woman called Susan the 13th. Understand "Susan" as Susan the 13th.

The player is carrying a flintlock and a kampilan. The player is wearing a cavalier hat and an eyepatch. The player is carrying a Molotov cocktail.

The description of the player is "Your face is known all the world over, even more so thanks to this bounty. Your trademark eyepatch, cavalier hat, and combination of classic pirate weapons are rather unforgettable in the age of gears and magitech. You one-first-name-having ass."

The description of the flintlock is "If you shot someone from the seaport down from the skyport here and it killed them would it be fucked up or what". Understand "gun" as the flintlock.

The description of the kampilan is "You're pretty sure that's a dragon etched into the handle, which is pretty cool. You're keeping this one and naming her Lovergirl, because you love this girl." Understand "sword" as the kampilan.

The description of the cavalier hat is "The feather on this is tall enough to distract from the fact you're like five foot even on a good day."

The description of the eyepatch is "You lost the eye while drunk and hitting instead of staying on a 17. Not your 17, someone else's. Too bad she found out, huh?"

The description of the Molotov cocktail is "It solves problems by giving you a whole new problem!"

Instead of listening to Susan, say "Now, live, in stereo"

Instead of touching Susan, say "This is a family-friendly escapade, lady. Behave"

Instead of tasting Susan, say "Reminds you of something you found in your travels called Old Bay"

Instead of smelling Susan, say "Reminds you of something you found in your travels called Old Spice"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the cavalier hat: say "You have more important things to do"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the eyepatch: say "You have more important things to do"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the flintlock: say "Why not show them what a big shot you are, eh? Eh?"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the kampilan: say "You ought to use this to cut them down to size, huh?"



Section 2 - Pirating


When play begins: say "Well, now you've gone and done it  this time.

You decided that Queen Nabah Iman IX had raised the export fees on spices far too damn high. You thought you'd hide here, given your ship also contains enough stolen boxes of the precious cargo that is known as coffee, which is only grown beyond the Razan Desert far out west. Too bad about that bounty on your head you got, huh? Usually the Rissori Archipelago is a haven for piracy but when you're worth as much as you are, a whopping 69mil Riyals, a nice bounty, it usually means other pirates are eager to backstab you and turn you in. So you did what any sensible pirate would and steal the shipment of rare curries that grow on this island and add it to your stash. And now the queen's amazon guardswomen are all that stand between you reuniting with your ship and thus your freedom. They're hot on your trail, and your ship has come into sight.

Your name is Captain Susan the 13th, elven sky pirate in a long line of Susans, and your ship is The Devil's Grail. And it'll be your neck if you're caught. You only have one last action before you get a game over. You better use this turn wisely, since you're the most wanted woman in the Archipelago and all. Now, what will you do, oh Captain?"

The Northern Jhapura Skyport is a room. "At the end of the port is The Devil's Grail, holding your glorious stash of seasonings and caffeine. You're closing in on it, but the guards are closing in on you, too. Other pirates can't be far off. Below, you can see the long drop into the Sea of Laikr off the edge of the island's seaport. Surrounding you is the usual lush greens, reds, and golds the island is famous for. Sunset casts a purple hue on everything. If you like, you have a flintlock and a kampilan you stole off one of the royal sentries. You can also choose to book it, or anything else you want, of course.

Better act fast, Captain."

The Devil's Grail is scenery in Northern Jhapura  Skyport. 

The sack of spices is scenery in Northern Jhapura Skyport. The spices are edible.

The guard is a woman in the Northern Jhapura Skyport. The guard is scenery. Understand "guardswomen" and "guards" and "guardswoman" as the guard. The description of the guard is "Holy moly, they're mad and all those pointy ends are directed your way"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the guard: say "Yeah that sounds like a great, easy way to get arrested"


East of the Skyport is Dead End 1. West of the Skyport is Dead End 2. North of the Skyport is Dead End 3. South of the Skyport is Dead End 4. Northwest of the Skyport is Dead End 5. Northeast of the Skyport is Dead End 6. Southeast of the Skyport is Dead End 7. Southwest of the Skyport is Dead End 8. Dead End 9 is above the Skyport. Below the Skyport is the Sea of Laikr.


Section 3 - Endings

Instead of eating or tasting the spices: say "If only someone was around to have filmed that on their magitech cellphone thing and posted it online, you'd be a big hit. Which probably wouldn't help, because you're in jail now. Pirate jail. And it sucks. What a waste of talent."; end the story saying "You have failed the Cinnamon Challenge"

Understand "kill" as attacking. Understand "slash [something]" as attacking. Understand "shoot [something]" as attacking. Understand "stab [something]" as attacking. Instead of attacking the guard: say "Wow, look at you, you figured it out in the most boring way imaginable. Sure, it's pirate-y, and your bounty went up, but now it's no longer that nice number and you seem boring. What a stale stain on your resume, Captain."; end the story saying "You have beaten an interactive fiction game about pirates"

Instead of cutting the guard: say "Wow, look at you, you figured it out in the most boring way imaginable. Sure, it's pirate-y, and your bounty went up, but now it's no longer that nice number and you seem boring. What a stale stain on your resume, Captain."; end the story saying "You have beaten an interactive fiction game about pirates"

Instead of going to Dead End 1: say "You decide to try the old zig-zag and give them nothing but your dust to feast on for dinner. Little did you know how narrow these airship docks were, and you manage to ram yourself right into a nice, sturdy wall, enabling the guards to catch you and toss you in the brig where you belong. The bounty is shared among the patrol formation, and the only prize you reap is the distinct bitterness of shame mixed with a migraine."; end the story saying "You have not yet conquered cartoon physics"

Instead of going to Dead End 2: say "You make your way past the guards and hide carefully in the cargo area of another ship. You laugh, because being poorly paid guards, not even the promise of the money on your head is enough to get them to look more than an hour. Unfortunately, you grow bored and fall asleep, waking to find yourself long past Jhapura, and flying to wherever this thing is sailing. The Devil's Grail is put into royal impound, and that is a line at the magi-DMV you're not looking forward to."; end the story saying "sail away sail away sail away"

Instead of going to Dead End 3: say "Of course you made it to your ship and sail off into the sky horizon. You're not the thirteenth legendary Susan for a reason. Congratulations on your victory; your prize is knowing you have fought the evils of imperial taxes another day and the indignant sighing of the guards as they can no longer reach you. Maybe someday you'll be caught, but until then, your wanted posters stay up, and many tourists ask to take a magi-selfie with you next to one, earning them plenty of magi-internet clout."; end the story saying "You have become an online celebrity and popular meme"

Instead of going to Dead End 4: say "you walked right into the guards oh gods why would you do this"; end the story saying "Should have brought a cardboard box"

Instead of going to Dead End 5: say "There's a poor merchant here waiting for her ship, and you barge into her, initiating combat. After you two trade blows a couple of times, you decide to snag her outfit, and watch her run off in her skivvies. You let the confusion play out as you sit against a wall, hat tipped down over your face, pretending you're hawking one of those new ultra-hot chilies the kids on the main continent like to pretend they're in danger with by eating them whole. Damn, these sell for a lot. You snag the bag and get on your ship, adding to your bounty, and earning you the nickname Captain Susan The Time For Chili."; end the story saying "You're one spicy meatball"

Instead of going to Dead End 6: say "You decide to start running, and you keep running, and running and running and running some more. Eventually, the guards are nothing, and you've made laps around the coast and shoals off the Archipelago and back towards the Eastern Lands, and eventually, after a couple years, you get to your hometown in the West of Gryan, only to stop and say nah, running back to Jhapura to get your ship. Unfortunately, it's long gone, but it remains in your heart. You are a changed woman. You are free. Also, somehow, you grew a beard. You blame wizards. Pirate wizards. Now go. Nobody can hold you back anymore, Susan."; end the story saying "run forrest run ahh dangit I meant susan"

Instead of going to Dead End 7: say "Nobody should ever underestimate a Susan. You blend in with the guards, quickly wrapping one of them in your hat and coat, and claiming they're actually you. It works, because guards are generally not that bright, especially in the brilliance of a sky pirate as legendary as yourself. You split the bounty that was on you, now that 'you' are caught, and sneak back onto your ship that night and bail. You'd feel bad for the framed woman if it weren't for the fact you think it's hilarious how easy they fell for it. On the downside, you're now worth zero instead of the cool and nice 69mil you were just moments ago."; end the story saying "Stocks in The Susan Industry have dived sharply upon your selling out"

Instead of going to Dead End 8: say "This area wasn't meant for mortal travel, as so sayeth Chozthala, the godhead of time and space. Their sudden blessing allows you to somehow squeeze through the fabric of the wall, digging into its materials as you pass through it like any other empty space, and wind up in a corner of the Royal Treasury you weren't supposed to get to until way later in this plot. You find a heavy-bladed kastane with a gilded and jeweled hilt in the shape of a fire-breathing lion here. Damn, that's equipment you shouldn't have until at least disc 4. On your way out, you kiss the harem girls and loop back around and into the cargo hold of your ship, fleeing the scene perfectly fine. You're grateful, but you're still weirded out, because a side effect of this bizarre magical clipping through walls is you now have 256 each of the coffee and spices. Oh well, more for you to sell off!"; end the story saying "You have set a new any% run of Jhapura using Susan as your character"

Instead of going to Dead End 9: say "nothing much, what's UP with you, Susan"; end the story saying "You can't believe the old Updog trick actually worked"

Instead of going down: say "You're left with no choice; fortune favors the bold and you plug your nose, inhale sharply, and run off the edge of the skyport down several stories into the seaport, deep into the Sea of Laikr, doing your best cannonball on the way down because everyone loves a show-off. Unfortunately for you, this is also crab season, and you're pinched viciously until you come out of the water, aching from every inch. Even your hat hurts. You immediately find a secluded cave in which to cook and eat these, turning them into armor. You will live out your days as a wanted criminal, masquerading as the local folk hero, Crab Mask, unable to show your face in public lest the same greed that drove you drive another to turn you in."; end the story saying "You gain a massive fandom as well as a bunch of spin-offs about Crab Mask that are met with mixed reviews"

Instead of kissing the guard: say "Back home is your bff for life, your ride and die, a notorious paladin by the name of Siofra. Now, you see, Siofra is a smooth lady. Pirates are smooth, right? You would think, but your actions land you in the brig, because unfortunately your luck and dexterity took higher priority when you were rolling for your stats for this adventure. Oops. Siofra catches wind, however, and comes and bails you out. She cracks up the whole time you tell her how you wound up there, but reminds you that no imitation can match the real product. Much like that fake crab stuff they keep trying to sell her at wharfs. Now that's a crime. Someone should put a bounty out on any restaurant caught using that. Your whole ride home is filled with her snorting over this."; end the story saying "Next time you should check your character build first"

Instead of waiting: say "it really should be obvious what is going to happen if you wait here so congratulations on getting me to acknowledge the worst ending possible. should have asked for a cake with a file in it too."; end the story saying "This has been a presentation of a video game"

Instead of doing something other than examining with the Molotov cocktail: say "You can't take it anymore. Holding this makes you want to invoke the name of a popular sports star from back home as you rear back and throw it with all your might. It plinks off the side of your boat and behind you, creating a wall of flame between you and the guards. As an elf, magic is impossible for you, but who needs magic when you have the power of rum and touchdowns on your side? Today is your day, Susan. Go home and draw some mustaches on your own wanted posters that are sure to be out that far by now. You've earned it."; end the story saying "You gained a major sports merchandise licensing agreement"