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Wednesday
by
Trask Nari
Played 3,057 times
View game source
(spoilers!)
Download the
.z8 file
Source Code
"Wednesday" by Phoenix and Trask Nari Use no scoring. When play begins, say "Today is Wednesday, and you are Gregory. You have a mundane job in a mundane office, that you go to every mundane day. Today is a bit exceptional though, you have your proposal finished and you have to get your bosses to sign off on it. If only that would be enough to make your day exciting. It's just Wednesday." U is a number which varies; U is 0; X is a number which varies; X is 0; N is a number which varies; N is 0; Y is a number which varies; Y is 0; M is a number which varies; M is 0; L is a number which varies; L is 0; Z is a number which varies; Z is 0; W is a number which varies; W is 0; K is a number which varies; K is 0; P is a number which varies; P is 0; RAM is a number which varies; RAM is 0; PO is a number which varies; PO is 0; NAP is a number which varies; NAP is 0; LIN is a number which varies; LIN is 0; B is a number which varies; B is 0; Home is a region. Work is a region. [Connections between rooms are only done once, as I7 fills in the rest] [Home rooms] The Bedroom is a room. The Bedroom is in Home. The description is "A plain and boring room with white walls and beige carpet. If only you got paid enough to spruce it up a bit. Maybe after your bosses sign off on your project proposal you can afford to go shopping. [if n is less than 3]There is a loud and obnoxious rubber [bold type]duck[roman type] quacking on your nightstand.[end if]". The wife is a woman in The Bedroom. The description is "Your [bold type]wife[roman type] wraps a pillow around her head, trying to block out the quacking." The bed is in the Bedroom. The description is "Your bed, comfortable and welcoming. Unfortunately, you can't lay around all day." The nightstand is in the Bedroom. The description is "It's your nightstand. You keep your collection of Tolkein novels in there." Instead of squeezing the wife, say "It doesn't look like she's in the mood for that right now." Instead of squeezing yourself, say "This isn't that kind of game!" Instead of squeezing the nightstand, say "Easy there, Hulk." Instead of squeezing the front door, say "Yes, squeeze the door. That'll do it." Instead of squeezing the bed, say "You don't think your wife would appreciate you doing that while she's using it." Before squeezing the duck: if N is 3: say "It stopped quacking already. Give the poor thing a break."; stop the action. Before squeezing the duck: if N is 2: say "You grip the duck and squeeze one more time. A loud quack fills the air, followed by silence. With a relieved sigh, your wife goes back to sleep. Now its time to get to work. The driveway is to the south."; now N is 3; now X is 1; stop the action. Before squeezing the duck: if N is 1: say "You squeeze the duck again. It quacks once more, and again gets a bit quieter."; now N is 2; stop the action. Before squeezing the duck: if N is 0: say "You squeeze the duck in your hand. The duck quacks once, louder than before, but is a bit quieter now."; now N is 1; stop the action. The duck is on the nightstand. The description is "The rubber duck on the nightstand is incessantly quacking. You're not quite sure that there was a duck there when you went to bed. It reminds you how obnoxious the sound is when you used to [bold type]squeeze[roman type] them as a kid." Instead of taking the duck, say "What on earth are you going to do with that in your pocket?" Instead of taking the nightstand, say "You don't think your pockets are quite that big." Instead of taking the bed, say "Your wife's using that right now." Every turn when X is 0: say "Quack quack!". After asking the wife about anything: if X is 1: say "She just got back to sleep. You really don't think it would be a good idea to wake her back up."; otherwise: say "She yells, 'Turn off that [bold type]duck![roman type] I want to get a few more hours of sleep, and I can't sleep with that damn thing quacking! Just [bold type]squeeze[roman type] the damn thing!'". After asking the wife about "alarm": if X is 0: say "She stares perplexed, 'What on earth are you talking about?'". After asking the wife about "clock": if X is 0: say "She stares perplexed, 'What on earth are you talking about?'". After asking the wife about "how": if X is 0: say "She sighs, exasperated, and says 'Just [bold type]squeeze[roman type] the damn thing!'" After asking the wife about something: if X is 0: say "She groans and covers her ears, 'I can't even hear myself think with that quacking!'". The front door is a door. The front door is north of the Front Yard. The front door is south of the Bedroom. Before opening the front door: if X is 0: say "You can't go out yet, the [bold type]duck[roman type] is still quacking!"; stop the action. Before opening the front door: if X is 2: say "You just left the house. Work is the other way!"; stop the action. Every turn when the front door is open: say "You close the door behind you."; now the front door is closed. Before opening the front door: if X is 1: now X is 2; say "You head out the door!". The Front Yard is a room. The Front Yard is in Home. The Front Yard is west from the Office. The description is "The front yard. [if unvisited]As you walk outside, the sun shines on your face, and you hold up your hand to shield your eyes. Mistaking your gesture for a wave, your friendly neighbor gives you a smile and a wave of his hand as he drives down the street in his fancy new speedboat.[end if] Your [bold type]hovercar[roman type] sits in the driveway[if Y is 0], right next to your wife's spaceship[end if].[if Y is 0] Work is about thirty minutes east, by car. You're not sure how far it is by hovercar.[end if][if Y is 1] Some [bold type]ninja climbing gear[roman type] sits on your front lawn, as some [bold type]bricks[roman type] with the words 'Throw me!' written on them in crayon. You can see your chimney from here, as well as window.[end if]". The spaceship is in the Front Yard. The description is "Your wife's spaceship. Those Saturn V rockets were amazing back in the day, and you're a bit jealous. You could have sworn that she didn't have this yesterday. That, or your memory's beginning to go." The welcome mat is in the Front Yard. The welcome mat is a supporter. The description is "A welcome mat. It reads 'Home sweet home'. How quaint." The key is in the Front Yard if B is 1. The description is "A [bold type]key[roman type]. And you found it under a mat. Now, who would think to look there?" Instead of taking the welcome mat, say "How will people know to that your home is sweet without it?" After looking under the welcome mat: if the key is not carried: say "You lift up the welcome mat and look underneath it. You see a [bold type]key[roman type] resting at the center of the shadow of the mat."; now B is 1; move the key to the Front Yard; otherwise: say "You lift up the welcome mat. You can't really see anything down there.". Before taking the key: if Y is 0: say "You don't know what use you'd have for it, since you're heading the other direction."; stop the action; otherwise: continue the action. Instead of going north by hovercar from the Front Yard, say "Look, driving through the front wall of your house isn't going to help anybody. You're not sure your insurance would even cover that." Instead of going east from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." Instead of going north from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." Instead of going south from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." The ninja climbing gear is in the Front Yard if Y is 1. The description is "Some cat clawed gloves, grappling hooks, and rope. You'd be able to scale the Empire State Building with this stuff. And proper legal authorization." The bricks are in the Front Yard if Y is 1. The description is "Some bricks. They have 'Throw me!' written on them in crayon. You're kind of impressed that someone was able to write on bricks in crayon in the first place." Instead of taking the spaceship, say "Your wife would be quite cross if she woke up to find that you'd pocketed her spaceship." The house is in the Front Yard. The description is "Your house is pretty nice, if you do say so yourself. You and your wife moved in here after a few years of you aren't even paying attention anymore, are you? You can see your chimney from here. It's a nice chimney." Instead of taking the house, say "No, Gregory. You can't take the house." Understand the command "throw" as something new. Throwing is an action applying to one carried thing. Understand "throw [something]" as throwing. Understand the commands "hurl" and "chuck" as "throw". Before opening the front door: if X is 3: if the key is not carried: say "The door's locked."; stop the action; otherwise: end the story saying "You unlock the door and head inside. You sit down in your armchair and turn on the television. Everything seems to be back to normal now. Maybe spiking your coffee with all those drugs before work wasn't such a good idea. There have to be better ways to relieve stress about talking to your bosses than this.". After throwing the bricks: end the story saying "You hurl the brick with all your might and climb through the broken glass, cutting up your arms as you do so. You walk down the front hall and realize the front door was unlocked this whole time, the handle was just stuck! Silly Gregory. You head to the kitchen and start making dinner. You throw your left shoe, a box of needles, and marinara sauce into the pan and begin cooking. You sit down to eat and suddenly collapse, choking and gasping for air. You forgot that you're allergic to shoe laces! All you can think about is how boring your day was as you slowly fade away into nothingness.". Before climbing the house: if Y is 0: say "I don't think much is to be achieved by that."; stop the action; otherwise: if the ninja climbing gear is carried: end the story saying "You expertly hurl the grappling hook up the wall, and begin to scale your way up. You reach the chimney and jump straight down, Ho-ho-ho-ing like Santa Claus as you do so. As you triumphantly stick the landing, a meteor strikes your house, taking you and the rest of the block with it. Just your luck, to have such a boring end to a boring day."; otherwise: say "You scramble up the wall, but fall right back down on your butt. You're no Spider-Man."; stop the action. The hovercar is a vehicle in the Front Yard. The description is "That sure is a nice [bold type]hovercar[roman type]. You're not quite sure how it got here, though. It seems to be [bold type]voice activated[roman type]. Is there an easy way to [bold type]activate[roman type] it?" Before going by hovercar from the Front Yard: if X is 2: say "You don't even know how to start this thing!"; stop the action; otherwise: if Y is 1: say "You just got home! Why would you go back to work?"; stop the action. Before exiting: if X is 3: if Y is 0: if the player is in the Front Yard: say "You just got the darn thing working! You should probably head east to work, lest it shut off on you."; stop the action; otherwise: continue the action; otherwise: continue the action. After answering anyone that "activate"[ when the player is in a vehicle]: if X is 2: say "The hovercar hums to life!"; now X is 3; otherwise: say "You already turned it on!". [After answering anyone that "activate" when the player is not in a vehicle: say "Try activating it while inside the hovercar!"] Instead of going to work, try going east. Instead of going east from the Front Yard when the player is not in a vehicle, say "You can't walk to work. You'd never make it in time! Try [bold type]entering[roman type] your [bold type]hovercar[roman type]!" [Work rooms] [bathroom and hallway are just fillers to contribute to the world] The Bathroom is a room. The Bathroom is south of the hallway. The description is "A dark room with glowing lights in the ceiling to look like the night sky, just to give the illusion that the bathroom is outdoors. You look in a stall and see the toilet paper holder is empty. You'll have to contact those alien janitors about getting more, just as soon as they return with that cow. The hallway is to the north." The Office is a room. The Office is east from the Front Yard. The description is "The office. You always get here in such a rush, and then wonder why you bothered. There is a hallway to the east, and your cubicle to the south.". The Cubicle is south of The Office. The Hallway is east of the office. Before going west from the Office: If Y is 0: say "You've still got work to do! You can't just leave early!"; stop the action. Every turn when the player is in the hovercar in the Office: if Y is 0: try exiting. Instead of going east from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." Instead of going north from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." Instead of going south from the Office by hovercar, say "You doubt your boss would appreciate you driving around the office in a hovercar." Instead of going west from the Office when the player is not in a vehicle, say "What, and leave your hovercar here?" MacGyver is a man in the Office. The description is "A man wearing a flannel shirt, a denim jacket, and sporting a fantastic mullet is seen here, tinkering with some paper clips. He seems unfazed by the unusual condition of your [bold type]cubicle[roman type]." After asking MacGyver about "cubicle", say "He looks up at your desk, 'Yeah, it was like that when I got here. Looks like you got a problem though. Fortunately, every problem has a [bold type]solution[roman type].'" After asking MacGyver about "anti-gravity device": if the anti-gravity device is carried: say "He grins and points at the device. 'See? A solution for every problem.'"; otherwise: say "There is no reply.". After asking MacGyver about "paper clips", say "He looks up, frowning, 'Never doubt the capabilities of a few paperclips and some ingenuity.'" After asking MacGyver about "macgyver", say "He grins, 'That would be me.'" The paper clips are carried by MacGyver. The description is "Some office paper clips." The anti-gravity device is carried by MacGyver. The description is "An interesting beeper-looking device hooked to your belt." Instead of dropping the anti-gravity device, say "You really should hold onto it. MacGyver worked really hard on it." Instead of asking MacGyver about "believe in myself", try asking MacGyver about "believe in yourself". After asking MacGyver about "solution": if the anti-gravity device is carried: say "He grins and points at the device. 'See? A solution for every problem.'"; otherwise: if the paper clips are not carried: say "He chuckles and reaches into his pockets, 'A solution for every problem, if you think enough about it. I can get you started.' He takes out some [bold type]paper clips[roman type] and hands them to you. 'These should get you started. If you can bring me some [bold type]duct tape[roman type], some [bold type]chewing gum[roman type], and you really [bold type]believe in yourself[roman type], I can get you something to help you out.'"; move the paper clips to the player; otherwise: say "He looks up at your cubicle. 'I am gonna need some [bold type]chewing gum[roman type], some [bold type]duct tape[roman type], and some [bold type]self esteem[roman type], in addition to those [bold type]paper clips[roman type] I gave you. Once you have got them all, come talk to me again.'". After asking MacGyver about "chewing gum": if the paper clips are carried: if the chewing gum is carried: say "You hand the chewing gum to MacGyver, who takes it with a grin. 'Awesome, this will help out.'"; move the chewing gum to MacGyver; otherwise: if the chewing gum is not carried by MacGyver: say "He nods. 'Yup. [bold type]Chewing gum[roman type] would definitely do the trick.'"; otherwise: say "He appears to be reading the gum wrapper."; otherwise: say "He says, sagely, 'Gum is useful for way more than being delicious.'". After asking MacGyver about "believe in yourself": say "He shrugs, 'Yeah, you know. Have some [bold type]self-esteem[roman type].'" After asking MacGyver about "duct tape": if the paper clips are carried: if the duct tape is carried: say "You hand MacGyver the duct tape. He looks it over. 'Always a use for some good duct tape.'"; move the duct tape to MacGyver; otherwise: if the duct tape is not carried by MacGyver: say "He gazes wistfully away. 'Ah, [bold type]duct tape[roman type]... Is there anything that you cannot solve?'"; otherwise: say "He appears to be measuring out pieces of duct tape."; otherwise: say "He laughs, 'I could sell a book of all the things I have made out of duct tape -- made of duct tape!'". After asking MacGyver about "self-esteem": if the paper clips are carried: if the self-esteem is carried: say "You approach MacGyver and tell him all about your newly found pride in yourself. He nods and says, 'Now that you believe in yourself, lets get this done!'"; move the self-esteem to MacGyver; otherwise: if the self-esteem is not carried by MacGyver: say "MacGyver nods solemnly, 'I know that it is a bit of a weird request, but trust me. Nothing helps achieve lift like [bold type]self-esteem[roman type]. And jet fuel. Mostly self-esteem though.'"; otherwise: say "He appears to be thinking. Better not disturb him until you have what he is looking for."; otherwise: say "He blinks a bit, 'Well, yeah. [bold type]Self-esteem[roman type] is a really big deal. Very important. Not a laughing matter,' he says as his eyes wander towards the [bold type]poster[roman type] on the wall.". Before asking MacGyver about anything: if the paper clips are carried: if the self-esteem is carried by MacGyver and the duct tape is carried by MacGyver and the chewing gum is carried by MacGyver: say "He grins, 'I have just about got it! Just give me those paper clips back, and give me a second.' He takes the [bold type]paper clips[roman type] back from you and turns around, working his hands faster than the eye can see. He whirls back around and holds out a small device that looks like it could clip onto your belt. 'An [bold type]anti-gravity device[roman type]! Just clip it on and your desk is within your grasp!' He hands it to you and smiles, satisfied with his craftsmanship. 'Just be careful not to use that outside.'"; move the paper clips to MacGyver; move the anti-gravity device to the player; stop the action; otherwise: continue the action; otherwise: continue the action. Instead of showing the chewing gum to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "chewing gum". Instead of giving the chewing gum to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "chewing gum". Instead of showing the self-esteem to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "self-esteem". Instead of giving the self-esteem to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "self-esteem". Instead of showing the duct tape to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "duct tape". Instead of giving the duct tape to MacGyver, try asking MacGyver about "duct tape". Instead of asking MacGyver about "gum", try asking MacGyver about "chewing gum". Instead of asking MacGyver about "self esteem", try asking MacGyver about "self-esteem". Instead of asking MacGyver about "tape", try asking MacGyver about "duct tape". Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of MacGyver: yes. The poster is in the Office. The description is "A [bold type]poster[roman type] of a cat dangling from a branch, gripping it with its paws. A caption reads, 'Hang in there!'. You feel as if you should [bold type]appreciate[roman type] this poster to really get its message." Understand the command "appreciate" as something new. Appreciating is an action applying to one visible thing. Understand "appreciate [something]" as appreciating. Understand the commands "observe" and "inspect" and "admire" as "appreciate". Instead of taking the poster, say "You would hate to rip the poster from the wall, and risk damaging it." Instead of appreciating the poster: if P is 3: say "You feel fantastic, and it is all thanks to this poster."; otherwise: if P is 2: say "You feel a great about yourself. Yeah! You're the champ! You're better than Bobby in middle school, no matter how many lockers he shoved you in! You're the coolest guy in the whole damn office! You're feeling good! In fact, so good, that you feel positively confident. You have gained [bold type]self-esteem[roman type]."; now P is 3; move the self-esteem to the player; otherwise: if P is 1: say "You feel a quite a bit better about yourself. You're doing just fine! In fact, you feel like your dad would be proud if he could see you now! Perhaps looking at it a bit longer would help."; now P is 2; otherwise: if P is 0: say "You feel a little bit better about yourself. Maybe you're not doing too bad for yourself. Perhaps looking at it more could yield more [bold type]appreciation[roman type]?"; now P is 1. The Cubicle is a room. The description is "[if the anti-gravity device is not carried] Your cubicle, but everything's on the ceiling! You could have sworn that it wasn't like that yesterday. Maybe it would help to ask MacGyver about it.[otherwise] Your cubicle, on the ceiling. You use your nifty anti-gravity device to reach the desk, trying to avoid bumping your head on the ceiling.[end if] The main office is to the north." The snowglobe is in the cubicle. The description is "[if the anti-gravity device is not carried]You can't reach it from down here, or get much of a good look. [otherwise] A small snowglobe with a Russian building and flag inside." Before taking the snowglobe: if the anti-gravity device is not carried: say "You can't reach it from down here."; stop the action; otherwise: continue the action. The Hallway is a room. The description is "A long twisting hallway of mirrors. Before working here you always wondered what it would be like to have tons of clones, but now you see how creepy it would be. The Cafeteria is to the north, the Meeting Room is to the east, and the Main Office is to the west, and the Bathroom is to the south.". The Cafeteria is north of the Hallway. The Meeting Room is east of the hallway. The Meeting Room is a room. The description is "You enter the meeting room.[if unvisited] Your various co-workers are seated here, along with your boss, ready for the meeting. As you get ready to sit down, you are startled to see them begin to transform before your eyes, their bodies, faces, and clothes warping about. Soon, instead of your familiar co-workers, the room is full of familiar faces you recognize from history books.[otherwise] Your historical co-workers are sitting in the room, bickering and arguing with one-another about who was the greatest.[end if] The hallway is to the west." The table is in the Meeting Room. The description is "The meeting table. People are rarely called here unless they need to argue about something." The duct tape is on the table. The description is "Ah, duct tape. Good old reliable duct tape." Instead of taking the table, say "You really doubt your boss will let you take the meeting table, regardless of what historical figure he happens to be." The papers is on the table. The description is "The project you've been working on. Most of the preliminary work has been done, but a project isn't done by one man alone. You'll need the backing of your boss and co-workers in order to get it off the ground." Napoleon is a man in the Meeting Room. The description is "A short, slightly round man with a very fancy outfit and a nice hat. He is grumbling to himself in French." Ramses the II is a man in the Meeting Room. The description is "A tall man with regal features and quite a tall white Hedjet. He is sneering at everyone else in the room." Lincoln is a man in the Meeting Room. The description is "A very tall man in a fine suit with a stovepipe hat and a well-kept beard." Lincoln is carrying a copy of the Emancipation Proclamation. The description of the copy of the Emancipation Proclamation is "A copy of a historical document that freed all slaves in the United States. On carbon paper. Neat. This might be worth something if I sell it some day." Rule for deciding the concealed possessions of Lincoln: if the particular possession is the copy of the Emancipation Proclamation: yes. Edgar Allen Poe is a man in the Meeting Room. The description is "A man wearing a cravat with a nice mustache, pacing back and forth, holding his hands to the side of his head, muttering to himself." Instead of asking [someone] about "project", try asking [someone] about "papers". After asking Lincoln about "papers": if the copy of the Emancipation Proclamation is not carried: say "Lincoln shakes his head and looks up at you, frowning. 'I am sorry, but I cannot sign any [bold type]paper[roman type] until I get one more signature on my own project. This proclamation shall free all slaves in the United States! Will you sign it?' (Yes or No)"; if the player consents: say "You use Lincoln's pen to sign off on his document, ensuring the prosperity of slaves in the United States that you were sure had already been freed quite a while ago. He peels off the paper, revealing a carbon copy underneath, which he hands to you. 'Here, take this, and spread the good news! Now, what is it you wanted to ask of me?'"; move copy of the Emancipation Proclamation to the player; otherwise: say "Lincoln frowns. 'I know it is a big thing to ask of a man, but I assure you, the United States will be a much better place when no man is in chains.'"; otherwise: if U is 0: say "Lincoln smiles, 'Of course I shall sign your project, son! You have done this great nation a great service! It is the least I could do!' Lincoln grabs his pen and signs your [bold type]paper[roman type] with a flourish."; now U is 1; now LIN is 1; otherwise: say "Lincoln smiles at you, 'Glad to be of service. I am planning to finish up here soon. I have tickets to the theater later.'". After asking Edgar about anything: if the heart is not in the jar of alcohol: if the heart is not carried, say "Pale as a ghost, he mutters, 'I cannot think... I cannot hear... I cannot live with that sound! That [bold type]low, dull, quick sound[roman type]! Louder, and louder it grows!'"; otherwise say "He recoils from you, yelling, 'So loud! I cannot think, the horror! Get it away from me, or dull the sound so I hear it no more!'"; otherwise: if the jar is not carried: if K is 1: say "He is rubbing his head, sighing, 'Thank you for helping. Now, I just need this head ache to go away.'"; otherwise: say "He looks around, perplexed. 'It stopped? Why has it stopped? What trickery is this?'"; otherwise: if K is 1: say "He is rubbing his head, sighing, 'Thank you for helping. Now, I just need this head ache to go away.'"; otherwise: say "He looks at you, perplexed. 'It has stopped? What is this?'"; try showing the jar of alcohol to Edgar. Before showing the jar of alcohol to Edgar: if the heart is in the jar of alcohol: say "'Twas the beating of this hideous [bold type]heart[roman type]! The beating has dulled, and I have you to thank! What can I do to thank you?' You show him the [bold type]papers[roman type], and he eagerly signs them. 'Thank you! You have my gratitude! If the others sign off as well, you can do what you will with the project!'"; now K is 1; now PO is 1; stop the action; otherwise: say "Edgar Allen Poe is not impressed."; stop the action. Before taking the heart: if the heart is in the jar of alcohol: say "You think it's perfectly fine where it is."; stop the action. [Instead of dropping the jar of alcohol, say "You never know when a jar of alcohol may come in handy."] Instead of drinking the jar of alcohol, say "No drinking on the job!" Instead of giving the snowglobe to Napoleon, try showing the snowglobe to Napoleon. After asking Napoleon about "papers": if W is 0: if the snowglobe is not carried: say "He sneers at you, 'Feh! I will not agree to anything! You cannot intimidate me! I am the greatest military mind in history! Nothing has ever [bold type]defeated[roman type] me!'"; otherwise: say "Napoleon looks at your pocket in confusion. 'What do you have there?'"; try showing the snowglobe to Napoleon; otherwise: if NAP is 0: say "Napoleon frantically nods his head and grabs a pen. 'I shall sign it! Yes, sure, whatever you want! Just keep me away from the Russian winter!' He eagerly signs off on your project."; now NAP is 1; otherwise: say "Napoleon grumbles in French, refusing to meet your eyes, for fear of being reminded of the cold nights in Russia." Instead of asking Napoleon about "defeated", try asking Napoleon about "defeat". After asking Napoleon about "defeat", say "He waves at you dismissively. 'Never once defeated! I am military perfection!' Lincoln speaks up from nearby. 'But what about that time in--' 'Never! Not even once!' Napoleon cuts him off." Before showing the snowglobe to Napoleon: if W is 1: say "He whimpers and covers his eyes. 'You have won! I have already surrendered! Please stop rubbing my face in the Russian winter.'"; stop the action; otherwise: say "You hold out the [bold type]snowglobe[roman type] and shake it in front of his face. The short french man lets out a scream and scoots back his chair, bringing his hands in front of his face. 'No! No! Put it away! I cannot look at that! It is the only thing to ever defeat me! It... It...' He drops his hands, looking like he has seen a thousand years of pain. 'It is the Russian winter...' He cowers. 'I will sign anything! Just keep it away from me!"; now W is 1; stop the action. After asking Ramses the II about "papers": if the butter is not carried by Ramses the II: say "Ramses barely even seems to notice you, before saying with an air of arrogance, 'I can't even be bothered to waste my time with you fools. I am a god! Unless you are here to bring me tribute, or something to pay honor to my likeness, leave me be. Don't speak to me until you have [bold type]sculpted[roman type] my likeness into the finest of crafting materials!' He turns away to continue looking at his reflection in the window."; otherwise: if RAM is 0: say "Ramses smiles, 'Of course! You have my blessing to carry out this project!' He signs off on your project with a flourish. You hope hieroglyphics count as a signature."; now RAM is 1; otherwise: say "Ramses inclines his head, 'Thank you for my gift, and I hope your project soars to great heights.'" Instead of showing the papers to someone, try asking the second noun about "papers". Understand "trasknari" as trasknariing. Trasknariing is an action applying to nothing. Report trasknariing: say "He's one of the fine folks who made this game. It's his flimsy game logic that's barely keeping you from bursting into flames at the moment." Understand "phoenix" as phoenixing. Phoenixing is an action applying to nothing. Report phoenixing: say "He's one of the fine folks who made this game. He's the one who wrote all the delightful and nonsensical descriptions for the wonderful world around you." Understand the command "sculpt" as something new. Sculpting is an action applying to one carried thing. Understand "sculpt [something]" as sculpting. Understand the commands "carve" and "whittle" as "sculpt". After sculpting the butter: if Z is 1: say "You think it looks fine as is."; otherwise: say "You use your old Boy Scout whittling techniques, you sculpt the butter into a semblance of a person."; now Z is 1. Before giving the butter to Ramses the II: if the butter is not carried: say "You don't have that."; stop the action; otherwise: if Z is 1: say "He smiles and looks at the sculpture. 'Why, it looks just like me! I appreciate this gift.' He takes the sculpture and sets it down in front of him. 'Now, what did you want to talk about?'"; move the butter to Ramses the II; stop the action; otherwise: say "He doesn't look interested."; stop the action. Every turn when Y is 0: if PO is 1 and NAP is 1 and LIN is 1 and RAM is 1: say "Poe approaches you with a smile on his face. 'Thank you my friend. Thank you for helping us all. Well, except for our French friend over there. But the rest of us thank you for teaching him a lesson in humility. Your project has earned our support. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning, and I'll be eager to see how it turns out. You can head [bold type]home[roman type] now.'"; now Y is 1; move the ninja climbing gear to the Front Yard; move the bricks to the Front Yard; move the spaceship to the Bedroom; The Cafeteria is a room. The description is "You enter the cafeteria.[if unvisited] Oddly enough, seated at the tables are all the chefs and cooks that are usually in the kitchen.[end if][if L is not 3] The chefs sit at the table, expectantly tapping their utensils on their plates.[otherwise] The chefs eagerly eat their meals.[end if] The hallway is to the south, and the kitchen is to the north." The Kitchen is a room. The description is "You walk into the kitchen. [if unvisited]Your co-workers, dressed in their work outfits, are panicking at the stoves, their ties nearly catching flame. 'The chefs are out there waiting! I have never even cooked in my life!'[end if] One particular office worker seems to be trying to organize everyone else. [if L is not 3]The office workers are completely clueless and panicking.[otherwise] The office workers are breathing a sigh of relief, leaning against the walls.[end if][if unvisited] Your co-worker yells 'someone start cooking that [bold type]record[roman type] and [bold type]monitor[roman type]!'[end if] The cafeteria is to the south.". The Kitchen is north of the Cafeteria. The cooking pot is a container in the Kitchen. The description is "A metal cooking pot sits upon the stove, ready for ingredients." Instead of taking the cooking pot, say "You really shouldn't take that. It kind of belongs in here." The office worker is a woman in the Kitchen. The description is "A woman wearing a suit, looking quite distraught as she attempts to put together a meal." After asking the office worker about "chefs", say "She frantically gestures to the door to the cafeteria, 'They have such picky tastes! There are three of them that have specific [bold type]requests[roman type]!'" Instead of asking the office worker about "request", try asking the office worker about "requests". After asking the office worker about "requests", say "The office worker turns to face you, '[if L is 0]The first chef has been aching to have something to remind him of his younger days, back when he was hip and cool. Something [bold type]nostalgic[roman type], you know?'[end if][if L is 1]The second chef really wants something that reminds him of why he loves his job. Something that reminds him of the joy of working in a [bold type]kitchen[roman type].'[end if][if L is 2]The third chef is tired and burned out. He says he wants to have something to get his passion going, get his [bold type]motor[roman type] running!'[end if][if L is 3]You got all the requests! Good job!'" The motor oil is in the Kitchen. The description is "A small can of motor oil. It looks and smells absolutely horrible. But then again, you're not a car." The CRT monitor is in the Kitchen. The description is "It's an old CRT monitor. You have fond memories of playing classic NES games on one of these. And not-so-fond memories of playing Battletoads on one of these. You are filled with rage." The Elvis record is in the Kitchen. The description is "An old Elvis record. His music really connected with you, as you really weren't nothing but a hound dog." The spatula is in the Kitchen. The description is "A spatula. Oddly, the only thing that makes sense in this damn place." The car keys are in the Kitchen. The description is "A set of car keys. You wonder if one of the office workers brought them here. You then wonder once again what happened to your old car." A frying pan is in the Kitchen. The description is "A frying pan. You suppose that, should it start raining, you could use it as a drying pan." Every turn when there are two objects in the cooking pot: say "The office worker takes a look in the pot."; if L is 0: if the CRT monitor is in the cooking pot and the Elvis record is in the cooking pot: say "She begins to stir frantically and pours the mixture onto a plate. It appears to be a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She hands it to another worker who rushes it out. She smiles at you, 'Good job! That's one [bold type]request[roman type] down! Start the next meal with that [bold type]frying pan[roman type] there while I prepare the drinks.'"; remove the CRT monitor from play; remove the Elvis record from play; now L is 1; otherwise: say "She frowns. 'No, no, no! These won't work at all! This mixture isn't [bold type]nostalgic[roman type] in the slightest! Get them out of there and try again!"; otherwise: if L is 1: if the spatula is in the cooking pot and the frying pan is in the cooking pot: say "With a wide gesture, she stirs the pot and then turns it sideways, emptying it onto a plate. The plate is now topped with a delectable looking dish, one so gourmet and fancy that you doubt you could pronounce it. She grins. 'Great job! One more [bold type]request[roman type] left!'"; remove the spatula from play; remove the frying pan from play; now L is 2; otherwise: say "She grimaces. 'Come on! These aren't what we need! I look at this mixture and a [bold type]kitchen[roman type] is the furthest thing from my mind! Get them out of there and try again!'"; otherwise: if L is 2: if the car keys are in the cooking pot and the motor oil is in the cooking pot: say "Eager to finish her work here, the office worker stirs the pot one last time, completing the final meal. She pours it onto a plate. It looks like a smashed pair of car keys covered in motor oil. As the last plate is taken outside, she wipes her brow. 'Finally! I'm glad that's over! You can go ahead and take whatever else in here we didn't use.'"; remove the car keys from play; remove the motor oil from play; now L is 3; otherwise: say "She groans and slaps her forehead. 'Aw, no! That's not it at all! That wouldn't get anybody's [bold type]motor[roman type] running! We're so close, don't fail me now!' Get them out of there and try again!'". Before inserting something into the jar of alcohol: if the noun is the heart: continue the action; otherwise: say "That doesn't seem like a good idea."; stop the action. Before inserting something into the cooking pot: if L is 3: say "You think you've had enough cooking for one day."; stop the action; otherwise: if there are two objects in the cooking pot: say "The pot's already full."; stop the action; otherwise: continue the action. Before going south from the Kitchen: if the car keys are carried, try dropping the car keys; if the frying pan is carried, try dropping the frying pan; if the spatula is carried, try dropping the spatula; if the CRT monitor is carried, try dropping the CRT monitor; if the Elvis record is carried, try dropping the Elvis record; if the motor oil is carried, try dropping the motor oil; if L is not 3: say "You put all the ingredients you had been carrying down before you leave."; if the jar of alcohol is carried, try dropping the jar of alcohol; if the butter is carried, try dropping the butter; if the chewing gum is carried, try dropping the chewing gum. Instead of showing the butter to Ramses the II, try giving the butter to Ramses the II. The jar of alcohol is a portable container in the Kitchen. The description is "It's a large jar of alcohol. You wonder why on earth [if the jar of alcohol is in the Kitchen]it is[otherwise]it was[end if] near so many sources of heat and flame." The butter is in the Kitchen. The description is "[if Z is 0] It's a stick of butter.[otherwise] It's a vague sculpture of a person, made out of butter. Pretty damn spiffy, if you do say so yourself." The heart is in the Kitchen. The description is "It appears to be a human heart. You haven't the foggiest clue as to why it's here, and not inside a human body. Or why it's actively beating. It's spooky, regardless. You don't want to carry it around with your bare hands for too long. You might want to try to find something to [bold type]carry it in[roman type]." The chewing gum is in the Kitchen. The description is "Chewing gum! Everyone loves gum!" Instead of eating the chewing gum, say "You have the feeling that you shouldn't eat it. Might come in handy later." Instead of eating the butter, say "A whole stick of butter? You really doubt your arteries would appreciate that." The self-esteem is an object. The description is "You've got some self-esteem in your pocket. Huh. Neat." Instead of taking Ramses, say "You're not sure you should. He does embody the power of Ra, and you don't want to erupt into flames." Instead of taking Napoleon, say "You probably could, but that would be rude." Instead of taking Lincoln, say "Probably not a good idea. You think kidnapping the president is probably a federal crime." Instead of taking Poe, say "That probably wouldn't help with his headache." Instead of taking MacGyver, say "Oh come on. You know he'd find a way to escape before you got out the door." Instead of taking the hovercar, say "Easy there, Herc."