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Dragon Quest
by
William Fewox
Played 2,085 times
View game source
(spoilers!)
Download the
.z8 file
Source Code
"Dragon Quest: A Completely Original Fantasy Game that Totally Isn't an Assignment for a Computer Science Class" The Forest Clearing is a room. "You wake up on a soft bed of loam and dirt, the dappled sunlight streaming through the branches of dozens of trees that surround you. As you pick yourself up and curse your plot convenient narcolepsy, you remember that you're needed at the Palace immediately! How you remember this crucial plot detail and not your name, family, friends, or even your gender, is not important, as you realize that this story will not have monumental amounts of character development. The King himself wants to speak with you about a most grim matter, so you decide it's best to go see him lest he get cranky. You see the cobbled steps of the King's Road in a clearing to the East." The King's Road is a room. "As you step out of the forest, you reached the stone path of the kingdom's main highway. The King's Road was actually built by a long gone Empire of old, but their stone roads remain serviceable for the King, as they provide a perfectly good excuse to tax the ever-loving crap out of the peasantry. It's well traveled, but equally well built to stand against the ravages of time and heavy foot traffic. To the north you see the graceful parapets of the city's formidable stone walls. To the south, there is an air of foreboding..." The Ambush! is a room. The City Gates is a room. "The city's stone walls stretch beyond your line of sight in either direction as you approach the gate- a massive, imposing portcullis of iron, backed by two massive bronze doors. Two city guards, dressed in the King's colors of blue and white, recognize you as you approach. 'Forsooth, brave knight!' one begins, 'The Dragon lays waste upon the perilous Mountain Path, just North of our fair city! Pray, hasten ye to our sovereign Lord the King, thy knightly honor compels thee to deal with this foe most foul!' As you slowly and cautiously back away from the guard, you having developed a healthy fear for people who speak in butchered ye olde English, his associate beckons at you, leaning on his halberd. 'Don't mind him, sir Knight, he's been taking his acting lessons a little too close to heart. The King is in his Throne Room at the Palace. Just head up to the city square and go west to the Palace.' You thank the guard and look north to the City Square." The City Square is a room. "The City Square is centered on a massive statue of the founder of the Kingdom, a probably generous depiction of the first King, as he's depicted as a tall, handsome, strong warrior prince with flawless features, but you recall from history class that the first King was, in fact, a horse. After the horse-King's master fell off and was trampled to death shortly before he could declare himself King, his followers thought it best not to argue with an animal that had just killed a man and gave him the crown instead, ushering in an era of peace and prosperity, because horses aren't in the habit of raising punitive taxes on peasants or locking Princesses in towers. This dynamic and riveting event, paramount in the history of your nation, will not be focused on at all in this game. Check back in the sequel, where we will hint that it might be covered in the inevitable prequel. The King's Palace lies to the west, and the city's Cathedral lies to the east; beware, the dragon lies north- make sure you're prepared to fight him. It is also recommended that you do not go south back to the gates, lest your suspension of disbelief be pushed to the edge as you would only go back to watch the two guards mysteriously go through the same routine as they did when you approached the city." The Cathedral is a room. "The two graceful spires of the Cathedral pierce the sky, framing a glorious and lavishly colored row of stained glass windows. As you enter the cool, cavernous interior, the Bishop, an obscenely old man dressed in garishly ornate robes, slowly shuffles towards you. 'Greetings, my son.' he croaks, 'The King has told me of your mission, and I wish to bless you in the name of our Lord- and I also wish to warn you that along the mountain path, lies two swords, embedded in rocks, waiting for the chosen and future king to unsheathe them from their resting place.' As the Bishop rattles on, you remember that a sword in the stone is highly prominent in the tale of King Arthur. As you fear your adventure will be cut short because of a copyright lawsuit, you are reassured that your quest features two swords in stones, not one, and King Arthur is a public domain character, anyways. 'One sword will slay the dragon, while another will poison you and kill you, for it is a cursed object. Be wary, for it will take every ounce of your cleverness to see through the sword's treachery and enchantments. Go now, my child, with God.' You can now go back out to the city square, and then north, to slay the fearsome dragon." The Palace is a room. "The Palace is a lavish Castle that would make a Disney Princess blush. All tall, graceful spires and white-washed walls, it is a monument to what you can achieve when you're born into a position of power and wealth and the rest of the populace, all peasants, work solely for your benefit. The throne room lies within, to the west, but if you are not yet prepared to face your noble King, go east, back to the City Square." The Throne Room is a room. "Servants usher you into the Throne Room, a lavish hall decorated with tapestries and suits of armor. And at the end of a long red carpet is your King, seated upon- or, more accurately, wedged into- his throne. Your noble King lets out a regal belch as he finishes off an entire mutton leg, tossing the scraped-clean bone over his shoulder. The King being a grossly overweight man, you try hard to recall a time when you ever saw him standing, or, for that matter, not eating. Nothing comes to mind. 'Ah! My brave and noble knight!' The King claps his pudgy hands together as you bow before the throne, knowing well how that chair must suffer so other furniture may live. 'There's a dragon to the north- and my advisers say it's threatening the granaries!' The King shivers at the thought, his gelatinous belly jiggling dangerously. 'Be a good sport and take care of it for me, will you? Check by the Cathedral on your way out, the Bishop may have some advice for you.' You turn to leave as the King joyfully squeals at the prospect of another mutton leg presented to him- the city square lies to the east, as does the dragon." The Northern District is a room. "You pass the city square into the city's Northern District, where the harbor lies. We were going to have a mini-boss fight here, but we forgot. Check back later for a patch. As you pass further into the district, the charred roofs of the district tell you the dragon lies just up ahead... you spot the city gate emptying out to the mountain path to the north." The Mountain Path is a room. "The Mountain path is a narrow dirt road, leading up the perilous cliffs that make up the mountain range beyond the city borders. You hear a fearsome roar to the north, and know the Dragon's Lair lies just ahead. As you look around, you spot two sword lying in boulders that someone is very likely to trip on. You examine both carefully. One, a white sword, is made of graceful steel, its hilt gilded in gold. It radiates a holy aura, and words etched into the boulder it rests in read 'The Sword of Truth, Justice, and the Insert-Nationality-Here Way. For only the truest of hearts and the killers of dragons.' The other sword is a black sword, and is made of iron, stained an ugly reddish brown with the blood of innocents. Its boulder reads, 'The Sword of Totally Not Demonically Possessed and I Totally Won't Curse You When You Touch Me. Oh please pick me. Oh please, please.' Choose wisely." The Dragon's Lair is a room. The King's Road is east of the Forest Clearing. The City Gates is north of the King's Road. The Ambush! is south of the King's Road. The City Square is north of the City Gates. The Northern District is north of the City Square. The Palace is west of the City Square. The Throne Room is west of the Palace. The Cathedral is east of the City Square. The Mountain Path is north of the Northern District. The Dragon's Lair is north of the Mountain Path. The white sword is in the Mountain Path. The black sword is in the Mountain Path. After going to the Ambush!: say "Bandits attack! A dozen brigands and vagabonds surround you- as strong a knight as you are, no mere mortal man is a match against a dozen foes. Seeing as you willingly went into an area that has such a thing as an air of foreboding, it was probably a matter of time before you did yourself in, anyways. They overwhelm you, take your purse, and leave you for dead, but not before arranging your mangled corpse in a compromising and incidentally hilarious position."; end the game in death. After going to the Dragon's Lair: say "Seriously? What, were you planning to kill the dragon with your sheer bravado and willpower? As you foolishly picked up neither sword and charged on ward to the Dragon's Lair without a weapon like a clumsy ox, the dragon makes little work of your metal armor-encased, Leeroy-Jenkins butt and burns you to a crisp. Nice going. The stalwart hero of the land went to kill the fearsome beast without a weapon, and now he's a dirty smudge on the ground. Well, hope the denizens of the kingdom have lots of aloe vera, because it is a very likely chance that the number of third-degree burns throughout the land will skyrocket."; end the game in death. After taking the white sword: say "You chose... wisely. Holding your holy weapon aloft, you charge forth to the Dragon's Lair, and in an exciting and climactic battle that we are far too cheap to show you, you kill the dragon, and now all you have to do is await the adulation of your countrymen, have throngs of fair maidens throw themselves at you as you walk by, and prepare for the strongly worded letter from the Environmental Protection Agency because the dragon is an endangered species, you monster."; end the game in victory. After taking the black sword: say "You chose... poorly. In a shocking twist, the Sword of Totally Not Demonically Possessed is... demonically possessed! What a shock! You curse the cunning of the evil forces that made the sword as the dark and probably unwashed hands of Beelzebub drag you down to the depths of Hell."; end the game in death.