The Little Glass Bottle by Jake

The Little Glass Bottle

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"The Little Glass Bottle"

The maximum score is 101.

An object can be sealed. The bottle is sealed.


When play begins:
say "The salty air fills your nostrils as you crest yet another swell on the raging Indian ocean, just west of North America. You are captain William Jones, captain of a small battleship. Your loyal lieutenant, John Towers, and your man-at-arms Edward Snowden are at your side as your adventure is just beginning..."

The Indian Ocean is a room. "You spot a strange object floating in the sea. Sailing closer, you find that it is a small sealed glass bottle."

The Edward Snowden is in the Indian Ocean. It is a closed, openable container. The description is "A rather weasel-esque thing wanted by the USA for high treason."
Understand "Edward" as Edward Snowden.
Understand "Snowden" as Edward Snowden.
Instead of tasting the Edward Snowden: say "Mmm, pomegranate."
Instead of touching the Edward Snowden: say "You don't swing that way."


The corkscrew is in the Edward Snowden. The description is "A metal corkscrew."
Instead of eating the corkscrew: say "You swallow the corkscrew. You fucking idiot."; end the game in death.
Instead of tasting the corkscrew: say "You go to take a lick of the corkscrew, but in your gluttony you swallow it whole and it pierces your aorta."; end the game in death.
The corkscrew unlocks the bottle.

John is a person in the Indian Ocean.
Understand "John Towers" as John.
Understand "Towers" as John.
Understand "Fuckfaced shitlord" as John.
Instead of telling John about something: say "John is deep in meditation. You wouldn't want to ask him anything in this state, as asking him ab0ut anything triggers him."
Instead of asking John about something: say "John looks disgruntled and a bit weasel-esque. You turn around, unsettled. Just then, John pulls out his blunderbuss pistol: 'Thou shalt die this day, Professor Jones!' he yells. You turn, but it is too late. John shoots the inside of your head with the blunderbuss, fracturing your femur. Everything goes dark as he looms over you, cackling with a blasphemous rhythm from beyond time."; end the game in death.

The bottle is in the Indian Ocean. It is a closed, locked, openable container. The description is "A large glass San Pellegrinoâ„¢ bottle, likely of Soviet origin. [if the bottle is sealed] The bottle is sealed. [end if]"

Instead of touching the bottle: say "You stroke the hard, smooth bottle passionately. All of a sudden, Dagon emerges from the depths. Your crew scatters and leaps from the ship in horror. Dagon lets out an ear-splitting roar as he smashes his slimy appendage on the bow, causing the ship to list heavily. Desperately you rush to man the conveniently placed deck gun, but it is too late. Lord Dagon grips the stern and drags you down to a damned and briny death."; end the game in death. 

The message is in the bottle. The description is "A message scribbled on parchment."
Understand "read" as examining. 
Instead of examining the message: 
say "The message reads: 'Jan 1 1864 I am John Jones who writes this letter my ship is fast sinking with a treasure on board I am where it is marked * on the enclosed chart.' Perhaps you should talk to John about this."


The Yithian Energy Weapon is an object in the Edward Snowden. The description is "Where did this come from?"
A gun is a kind of thing.
The Yithian Energy Weapon is a gun.
Definition: A thing is ungunlike if it is not a gun.
Understand "shoot [gun] at [something ungunlike]" as shooting it with (with nouns reversed). Understand "shoot [something] with [something]" as shooting it with.
Shooting it with is an action applying to two things.
Understand the command "fire" as something new.
Firing is an action applying to one thing.
Understand "fire [something]" as firing.
Understand "shoot [something] at [something]" as shooting it with. Understand "fire [gun] at [something ungunlike]" as shooting it with. Understand "fire at [something ungunlike] with [gun]" as shooting it with. Understand "fire at [something] with [something]" as shooting it with.


Instead of firing the Yithian Energy Weapon: say "You charge up the Yithian Energy Weapon and aim it at your feet, intending to accomplish your desperate dream of flying to Pluto. The weapon whirrs and buzzes, but nothing happens. You examine the energy conduit to see what is the matter. In doing so you release the trigger, discharging the weapon and turning your head into eviscerated mass of flesh."; end the game in death.


Instead of going up: say "What do you think you are doing? You sail your ship straight into the sky like a jackass. Escaping the earth's surly bonds, you feel a cold chill fall over you. You are unsure as to whether it is due to the complete lack of an atmosphere and convective heating, or the presence of a Star Vampire. Soon your question is answered. You are devoured by Star Vampire."; end the game in death.
Instead of going down: say "Resigning yourself to your fate, you shout out the desperate orders. 'John! Scuttle the ship!' John is confused. 'Why?' he asks courteously. 'BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING INSIDE ME!' you respond rationally. Leaving him no choice, John blasts the powder magazines with his rapier-gun, sinking the ship to the bottom of the cold, unfeeling sea.

Instead of jumping: say "You hurl yourself into the Pacific Ocean, only to realize that you never learned how to swim. Tough break there."; end the game in death.


The Open Sea is a room. It is south of the Indian Ocean. "With the wind in your mutton chops you sail southward in search of 
adventure. To the south lies Antarctica. To the East lies R'lyeh."