My New Game by F. Adnan

My New Game

Played 2,116 times
View game source (spoilers!)
Download the .z8 file
Source Code

Release along with an interpreter.

Commenting is an action out of world applying to one topic. Understand "* [text]" as commenting.
Carry out commenting:
say "Comment noted."

The block giving rule is not listed in the check giving it to rules.

When play begins:
say "[italic type] 'You have lived in Fogwick for most of your life. You remember hating this town at first. It lived up to it's name- vapor clouded the streets and drifted between the buildings. However, comforted by the soft glow of Fogwick's many illuminated trees, you have grown used to the poor visibility. This place does weird you out a little, though. Sometimes you see strange lights in the sky, but the townspeople insist they are only the eight-winged guardians, coming to collect two random souls from the town to appease the fog spirits. It must not work, because you swear you haven't seen the sun since you moved here. What's worse is that the lights are appearing more frequently, and people you normally see everyday are starting to go missing...'[roman type]

[bold type] Directions for play: [roman type]

[bold type]To examine objects: [roman type] type 'x (object)' or 'examine (object)'. 
[bold type]Directions in the game are characterized by compass directions, like North, South, East, and West. [roman type]
[bold type]To look around: [roman type] type 'look (direction)'. To move in a direction, type a direction (ie. 'west' or 'W').
You can pick items up and drop them, as well as interact with them, so feel free to experiment with what you can do!
[bold type]To open your inventory: [roman type] type 'inventory' or 'i'.

[bold type] Feel free to ask me questions if you need help or find bugs.

Have fun! :D [roman type]


"


Direction-looking is an action applying to one visible thing and requiring light. Understand "look [direction]" as direction-looking. 
carry out direction-looking: say "Don't look that way. It's boring over there."
Petting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "pet [something]" as petting.

Understand "kiss [something]" as kissing.
Instead of kissing something which is not a person:
say "[The noun] do[if the noun is not plural-named]es[end if]n't look very sanitary."

Instead of direction-looking south in Town Square: say "You see your house."
Instead of direction-looking west in Town Square: say "You see the library. An old door marks the entrance."

Instead of examining yourself: say "You are looking hella fiiine, bro. You are the chillest dude in the whole county. Possibly even the world, too." Instead of kissing yourself: say "You try to kiss yourself, but it's a little hard to kiss your own face. It's like that time you tried to look yourself in the eyes without a mirror."

The Town Square is a room. "You stand in the town square. In the center of the square is a fountain surrounded by four benches. Small garden plots form a ring around the square, and you're sure that at one point long ago they held flowers.
You think you should head home and find your roomate, Blythe." A small dog is here. "A small dog is cowering underneath a bench." The description is "It is a black scottie. It's nametag reads BRUTUS THE GREAT DESTROYER. When you turn it over, a small engraving reads PROPERTY OF NUNYA BEESWAX!! You think this is very rude. The dog, however, seems to like you." After petting the dog: say "His fur is very soft. Whoever owns him must take very good care of him." Instead of kissing the small dog: say "WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU. NO. NO. I AM SICK OF THIS WEIRD ASS SHIT. GO HOME. YOU ARE DRUNK." After smelling the Small dog: say "It smells like nutella, babies, and also a bit like lavender shampoo." After taking the small dog: say "The jumps into your arms willingly." A fountain is here. It is scenery. The description is "There is a plaque on the fountain that reads THE FOUNTAIN OF MISTEYE THE ETERNAL. A statue in it's center depicts a man with three heads. The head in the middle has a single eye.  Water flows from their mouths. The man carries two flaming torches and an urn. Mist gently drifts from it. The townspeople whisper that the fountain has been here since the beginning of time, but you're sure that's not true." Benches are scenery supporters in the Town Square. The description is "The benches are made of fine oak wood, but they are cracked and worn from rain and time. Mosses and fungi grow on the bench seats, and everyone is sure they are poisonous. Yeeeeeeeah. Nobody really likes sitting here..." A mushroom is here. It is edible. "A large mushroom grows from one of the bench seats." The  description is "The mushroom is tall. It looks spongy, and it secretes a strange orange liquid." After eating the mushroom: say "Well, it tastes like MISTEYE THE ETERNAL himself concentrated his underwear juices and mixed it with a teaspoon of lemon juice and salty, salty baby tears. But you're sure you'll live. After you get your stomach pumped, of course." After taking the mushroom: say "That's cool. Take those mushrooms, bro.  I'm not judging." After dropping the mushroom: say "Nah, mushrooms are for losers!" After tasting the mushroom: say "BLECH! BLECHY! AUGHGHGHAA GROSSSSS!" Garden plots are here. They are scenery. The description is "The flowers in these garden plots are long gone, only to be replaced by spongy moss and tall fungi. These plants are content to grow in the moist enviroment, and thrive under the ever-present fog."


Rule for printing room description details of a closed container: stop.


Your House is south of Town Square. The description is "Your living room is sparse, with a single couch and a television. A few paintings hang on your mint green walls. 

You also see the doors to your bedroom, the closet, and the kitchen." A couch is here. It is a scenery supporter. The description is "The couch is pretty old. It's ivy green, and gently worn. It belonged to your dad, before he left. If only he hadn't married that Sumerian snake queen..." A television is here. It is scenery. The description is "A program called MEGA MUD WRESTLING SAILOR DERBY is on. Two muscular sailor chicks are beating the crap out of each other. You realize you have been watching this for over an hour when one of the girls is voted off the island for eating all of the pot roast her ripped buddies made for the pot-luck. Weird." Paintings are here. They are scenery supporters. The description is "this one is a painting of a baby sitting in the Fogwick Town Square. He is holding a balloon and staring at a plate of jello. Your friend Tacky painted it for you. You've always wanted to know what goes on in that boy's mind." A gift is here. It is an openable container. The gift is closed. "there is a big gift in the center of the room. You wonder who it's from?" The description is "It says it's from your dad. Maybe you should open it." A sword is in the gift. The description is "It's a sword from your dad. A note attached to it says 'Son, my Sumerian Snake Queen wife and I have decided to start a family again. I know this is bad news for your birthday, so I'm making it up to you by sending you this sword. I better not catch you fighting with it. Only for looking.
P.S. My Sumerian Snake children say hi.'

Your dad is a douchbag." After taking the sword: say "Even if your dad is a jerk, this is a pretty cool sword." After dropping the sword: say "You might need that later, dude!" After touching the sword: say "It's made of cold iron. It's ivory handle is warm to the touch." After petting the sword: say "That's just getting weird, now. Stop." After listening to the sword: say "A faint, metallic ringing can be heard. You wonder if the sword is somewhat enchanted?" After smelling the sword: say "It smells iron, and also a bit like the screaming souls of a million tortured soldiers. Exactly like that."

Instead of direction-looking North in Your House: say "You see the exit to the Town Square."

Kitchen is south of Your House. The description is "You aren't very good at keeping this place clean. 
The oven is on." Instead of direction-looking south in Your House: say "you see the kitchen." An oven is here. It is scenery. The description is "Somebody left a shepherd's pie in here. It looks like they just threw whatever they could find in the fridge in there. You turn off the oven." A Sandwich is here. It is edible.  "There's a sandwich on the ground." The description is "The sandwich is made of a bagel and roast beef. you hope it hasn't been on the floor too long." After eating the sandwich: say "Not bad. Could use some mustard. However, You've got to stop eating stuff you find on the ground. you're gonna get food poisoning, or something." After taking the sandwich: say "Good idea. You'll save it for a snack for later." After dropping the sandwich: say "Dude! That was a perfectly good sandwich! KDF DJFFDGHFDGDHFDAJSHFAKJAHHHHHHHHH!!! YOU JERKWAD!!" There is Grape Juice is here. It is edible. "Sombody spilled grape juice on the table.  You bet it was your jerk roomate, Blythe." The description is "It's getting sticky. It must be from breakfast. gross, Blythe! Why?!" After eating the Grape Juice: say "GROSS BRO!!!!" After taking the grape juice: say "You guess somebody's got to clean up around here." After dropping the grape juice: say "That's seems like a good idea. Nice job, man."

Your Room is east of Your House. The description is "Your room is nice and tidy- on your side. Blythe's side is completely trashed. She must have left a window open, since a blanket of fog has enveloped the floor. Dim light shines from the corner of her room. Maybe you can find the window in all her clutter?" Instead of direction-looking east in Your House: say "you see Your Room." The Leather Satchel is an open container in Your Room. The Leather Satchel is a player's holdall. "Your Leather Satchel has been tossed carelessly onto the floor." The description is "Another treasured object your father gave you. Curse that wretched Sumerian Snake Queen!" After taking the Leather Satchel: say "Great! Now you have something to carry all your stuff in! Satchels. Who knew?" After dropping the Leather Satchel: say "You're really gonna need that, man. You should pick that back up." 


The Porch is a room. "It's foggy out here.  There is an unused table. A single illuminated tree blocks some of the light from the sky. Wait a minute- what's that in the sky?!" The sky is here. It is scenery. The description is "The blue lights, presumably the Eight-winged guardians, seem to be hovering above your house! You better get back inside, and find Blythe!" An illuminated tree is here. It is scenery. The description is "You aren't sure why the trees around here glow like that. Possibly due to radiation?" A table is here. It is a scenery supporter. The description is "This old table is useless. You don't even know why you still have it." A Grimy Key is here. "A grimy key sits on the table." The description is "The key is copper. It is green from being outside. The key might be useful." After taking the grimy key: say "This is the key to the Wood Door." After Dropping the Grimy Key: say "You should pick that back up, you need that!"


The window is a door. The window is open. The window is scenery. The window is east of Your Room and west of the Porch. The description is "No wonder you couldn't see it! Blythes stupid elephant was in the way!" 

Climbing through is an action applying to one thing. Understand "climb through [something]", "climb in 
[something]", "climb out [something]", and "climb out of [something]" as climbing through.

Instead of direction-looking west in The Porch: say "You see the window pack into Your Room."
Instead of direction-looking east in Your Room: say "You can see the boxy corner of what looks like a window. You can see the porch outside it. It looks like you can climb through."
Instead of direction-looking west in Your Room: say "You see the exit back into the living room."

The closet is a room. "A single lightbulb hangs from the ceiling. A mop lies in the corner." A mop is here. It is scenery. The description is "I don't think Blythe has ever touched a mop in her life." Blue Lights are here. "Lights circle mysteriously above." The description is "They are getting closer..."

The Wood Door is a door. The Wood Door is scenery. The Wood Door is lockable and locked. The Grimy Key unlocks the Wood Door. The Wood Door is west of Your House and east of the Closet. 
Instead of direction-looking west in Your House: say "You see the Wood Door that leads to the Closet."

Blythe is a woman in the Closet. "Blythe is hanging upsidedown from the ceiling, grinning at you like a weirdo." The description is "She looks kind of pretty in her blood-red vampire costume. But you ignore that." Blythe is wearing a Vampire Costume. 
Understand "vampire costume", "the vampire costume", "her vampire costume", "costume", "the costume", and "her costume" as "[Vampire Costume]".
Instead of kissing Blythe: say "'What are you doing?!' She yells angrily." 
Instead of giving [something] to Blythe: say "'I can't take it! My hands are full!'"

Informing it about is an action applying to two things. Understand "tell [someone] about [any thing]" and "inform [someone] about [any thing]" as informing it about. Check informing it about: say "'Cool story, bro.' [the noun] says, examining their fingernails." 

Quizzing it about is an action applying to two things. understand "ask [someone] about [any thing]" and "quiz [someone] about [any thing]" as quizzing it about. Check quizzing it about: say "[the noun] smiles and shrugs their shoulders unhelpfully." 

Instead of quizzing Blythe about the Grimy Key: say "'That old thing! I threw it outside before locking myself in the closet. I wanted to be alone, but I guess you're here, now.'" Instead of quizzing Blythe about the Vampire Costume: say "'You like it? I bought it with the last of our rent money!' She giggles. It sounds like the laughter of a thousand tiny babies." Instead of quizzing Blythe about the Blue Lights: say "'Those blue lights are EVIL! There's been more of them lately, too!' She Shudders. It's adorable. 'Can you pleaaase go to the police station and ask them for help?' She gives you her biggest puppy eyes." Instead of quizzing Blythe about the grape juice: say "'I spilled that at breakfast. I was pretending it was blood!' She claps her hands heartwarmingly." Instead of touching Blythe: say "'What are you doing, Weirdo?! Personal Space!'" Instead of petting Blythe: say "'I am not your dog. Don't pet me!" Instead of smelling Blythe: say "Blythe smells like Nutella, babies, and Warm, Freshly baked cookies. You have no idea how, since she's such a slob. An adorable slob." Instead of listening to Blythe: say "Blythe's breathing sounds a little forced. She better flip rightside up again, or she'll pass out from blood rushing to her head!" 

Instead of direction-looking east in Town Square: say "You can see Ridley Street through the fog."
Ridley Street is east of Town Square. The description is "there isn't much here but fog."
A basketball is here. "You see a lone basketball in the street." The description is "You and Blythe sometimes play basketball in the driveway. She usually wins. You usually let her." After taking the basketball: say "This might come in handy, though you have no idea how." After dropping the basketball: say "You might need that." 

Instead of direction-looking east in Ridley Street: say "You see in the distance Old field Road. It's a dead end. Townsfolk go there to observe the blue lights."
Instead of direction-looking south in Ridley Street: say "You see Milles street. The police station is that way, as well as the Haunted Busse House. Local teens test eachother's bravery there every summer."

Old Field Road is east of Ridley Street. The description is "An old tree stands in the center of the road. Dim lights circle the sky. You worry your friend is in danger for being outside."
An old tree is here. It is scenery. The description is "The tree glows dimmer than the other trees. It is very old. Perhaps it is dying?" After touching the old tree: say "It is cool to the touch. The bark is very rough in your hands. Luminous tree sap gets on your fingers. Ew." After smelling the old tree: say "It smells earthy, like the dirt after rain. Do you detect a faint scent of strawberries?" After listening to the old tree: say "A faint hum radiates from the tree's base. It is an ancient sound." After petting the old tree: say "I'm sure the tree would appreciate your efforts." Dim Lights are here. They are scenery. The description is "Dim lights circle the sky."

Tacky is a man in Old Field Road.  "Your best friend Tacky sits on the steel fence near the woods." The description is "Tacky wears his standard hooded cape. He is staring intently at the sky. you wonder what he is looking at?" Tacky is wearing a Hooded cape. Instead of quizzing Tacky about the hooded cape: say "'This cape has been handed down to the real men in my family for generations. It's a work of art!'" Instead of quizzing Tacky about the dim lights: say "Those lights? Everyone knows they're evil. You should go to the police station. Maybe they can help. I know a guy there- his name is Chet Lee." Instead of kissing Tacky: say "'Woah, man! I know we're best friends and all, but I don't fall that way. At least, not for you.'" Instead of touching Tacky: say "'What? Why are you touching me? you know I don't like being touched. I once killed a guy for bumping into me.'" Instead of petting Tacky: say "'That's not cool, dude. Petting people is not okay. I learned that the hard way.'" Instead of tasting Tacky: say "'WOAH. OH NO. NOT TODAY MAN. NOT TODAY. I'M WEARING THE CAPE.'" Instead of smelling Tacky: say "'What are you smelling me for? Don't say it's because I smell like Nutella and babies or whatever. Everybody smells like nutella and babies to you!'" Instead of listening to Tacky: say "Tacky sounds calm. It seems like he's enjoying the night. You always wondered why he came out here and sat in front of the woods. You guess there's a lot about him you'll never know." Instead of giving [something] to Tacky: say "'Why should I take it? I don't need it.'"
 
 Sitting on is an action applying to one thing. understand "sit on [something]" as sitting on.
 
Milles Street is south of Ridley Street. The description is "Milles street is as foggy as Ridley Street, if not foggier."
 A Balloon is here. It is edible. "A balloon gently drifts down the street." The description is "The Balloon is white. It says EXTREME MAKOVER: GIANT YARD TARANTULA EDITION on it. You wonder when the crew of the hit TV show was in town. You're a bit angry you missed it!" After taking the balloon: say "It's a bit sticky. It smells like Mozzarella. You're not sure how useful it will be." After dropping the balloon: say "Goodbye, Mozzarella balloon." After eating the balloon: say "It tastes like Mozzarella, too. You wonder if this is some crazy Molecular Gastronomy experiment?"
 Instead of direction-looking east in Milles Street: say "You see the Haunted old Busse house that way."
 Instead of direction-looking south in Milles Street: say "You see the Fogwick Police station that way! Better stop in."
 Instead of direction-looking west in Milles Street: say "You see Joanne's house. She's Tacky's roomate. A fancy door marks the enterance."
 Instead of direction-looking north in Milles street: say "You see Ridley Street. You can get to Old Field Road and the Town Square from there."
Busse House is east of Milles street. The description is "Man, this place gives you the creeps. There is a dusty couch in the corner. There is a smashed lamp scattered all over the floor. Cobwebs hang from every surface like grim party streamers." Soft lights are here. "You sense soft lights hovering over the house." The description is "The lights are really starting to frighten you."
A dusty couch is here. It is an open enterable scenery container. The description is "This couch must be ancient. You think you saw a spider crawl under the cushions. There is so much NOPE here!!" Instead of sitting on the dusty couch: say "You feel something wriggling under the cushion. You feel very uncomfortable." After touching the dusty couch: say "It's very dusty. You can't tell fabric from grime." After smelling the dusty couch: say "You sneeze very loudly. Suddenly you are very aware of your own presence." A smashed lamp is here. It is scenery. The description is "This lamp took a big fall. You wonder how it got knocked over? Maybe just some dumb kids."
The Figure is a man in Busse House. "There seems to be a figure cowering in the left corner of the room, where it is darkest." The description is "You are sure the figure senses your presence." Instead of quizzing the figure about the soft lights: say "'You are only a mere mortal....

You could not possibly understand the full purpose of the eight-winged guardians! So much.... so much yet for you to learn...'" After touching figure: say "Your hand phases right through him." After petting the figure: say "Your hand phases right through him." After smelling the figure: say "He smells like a tortured soul. You don't want to be around him.
However, the faint scent of nutella and babies captivates you." After listening to the figure: say "his breath is strained and ragged. He sounds like all the winds of the Earth have withered his lungs and turned them to dust." After tasting the figure: say "'Mortal child.... you do not comprehend the severity of what you have done...' 

It tastes like you made out with an ash tray. Ew!" 
Instead of kissing the figure: say "'MORTAL CHILD!! WHAT IS THIS THAT YOU HAVE DONE?!'"
Instead of giving [something] to figure: say "'Mortal, I have no need for these materials!'"

the Police Station is south of Milles Street. The description is "The police station is bright. People bustle in and out. There is a single jail cell in one corner. A portrait hangs on the wall. It radiates misery." A Jail Cell is here. It is scenery. The description is "Two large, muscular men inhabit the cell. 'HEY.' One of them calls. 'Y'WANNA BUY A CHEETO?' He stretches his grimy, tattooed arm through the bars. He delicately holds a single orange cheese curl between his hairy fingers. You see some lint and also a substance you cannot identify coating the cheeto. You respectfully decline the man's offer." A magazine is here. "The latest copy of 'GIRLS WITH FLEXIBLE KNEES' sits on a table. You wonder who subscribes to that." The description is "You flip open the front cover. The front reads 'SHAKIRA CAN BEND HER LEGS ALL THE WAY FORWARD, WINNING SEVEN AWARDS! BUT CAN SHE WIN KIANTE'S HEART?' However, your favorite heading is 'DESTINY WRIGHTSFIELD HAS GOT IT ALL; BUT IS THAT ALL SHE'S GOT?'" After taking the magazine: say "Good thinking. You might need some reading material down the road." After dropping the magazine: say "Too bad. I guess we'll never know if Shakira wins Kiante's heart..." 
Bright Lights are here. "you can see the Bright Lights hovering through the window. You should ask Chet about them." The description is "are they following you?!" A portrait is here. It is scenery. The description is "You think this is Hades? He is tall, with dark hair and peircing eyes. He wears a toga." A diamond key is here. "A diamond key sits on Chet's desk. You should probably take it, but You want to talk to Chet Lee first." The description is "It glimmers under the fluorescent lights of the police station." After taking the Diamond Key: say "This is the key to Joanne's house. Hopefully we'll find her there!" After dropping the Diamond key: say "You're going to need that if you want to find Joanne."

Chet Lee is a man in the Police Station. "Chet Lee, the police chief, is sitting at his desk, smoking a cigar." The description is "Chet regards you cooly. At least, You think he is. It's hard to read his expression behind that Underworld Death Mask." Chet Lee wears an Underworld Death Mask. Instead of quizzing Chet Lee about the Underworld Death Mask: say "'This beautiful work of art? I won this here mask at an old west showdown-hoedown with that there Hades himself.' He points to a regal looking painting of Hades on the station wall. He laughs nostalgically. 'Ah, yes. Ever since that day, I've ne'er been able to re-move this here mask. Don't mind much, though.'" Instead of quizzing Chet Lee about the Bright Lights: say "'Ah, yes. Those darned evil Lights. Them there lights have been a prob'm since... well... I don't remember. Anyway, I've a heard that the only way ta stop them is ta go to the library and close that there Demon Portal they got down yonder... Well... I reckon that friend a yers... ah... Joanne, is it? She'd be able ta help, working down there at the library an all...' You guess you better talk to Joanne. She lives right on Milles Street. He gestures to the key. 'She leaves her house key at the station so she don't lose it.'" Instead of quizzing Chet Lee about the diamond key: say "'This is Joanne's house key. She leaves it at the station er'ry day so she don't lose it. If ya need ta find her, you can take it. She won't mind.'"
After touching Chet Lee: say "'Ah, ah ah! we don wanna touch this here Death Mask, now!' He chuckles heartily. 'Don't wanna melt the skin off our fingers now, do we?" After petting Chet Lee: Say "'Listen here, Sonny. Don you e'er pet a man. That'll jus get you kill't. S'pecially if he's got a Death Mask on!'" After smelling Chet Lee: say "Chet smells like cuban cigar ashes and... Something else... the lingering smell of hundreds of blinded souls, perhaps?

He also smells like Nutella and babies." After tasting Chet Lee: say "'WHOA, now, boy! Who is it that taught you this kinda be-havior? It ain't respectable!' Chet tastes like the clinging flavor of nothing. Abolutely nothing." After listening to Chet Lee: say "You can hear Chet peacefully puffing away on his cuban cigar. But what's this..? Is that... screaming?" Instead of kissing Chet Lee: say "'O'righty, kid. This has gone a Lit-tle too far now, y'hear? Get outta my Station, and come back with a clean attitude!" Instead of giving [something] to Chet Lee: say "'Kid, there ain't a reason in th' werld I would accept somethin of that nature from [italic type]you[roman type].'"
The Fancy Door is a door. The Fancy Door is scenery. The Fancy Door is lockable and locked. The Diamond Key unlocks the Fancy Door. The Fancy Door is west of Milles Street and east of Joanne's House. 

Fixing is an action applying to one thing. Understand "fix [something]" as fixing. Check fixing: say "[the noun] is fixed."

Joanne's House is a room. the description is "Joanne's house is beautiful. An expensive leather sofa claims the back wall. A regal bookcase dominates the room. A pricy pool table creates a friendly atmosphere."
A leather sofa is here. It is an open enterable scenery container. The description is "This looks very comfy. You wonder if it is custom made?" Instead of sitting on the leather sofa: say "this is the most comfortable sofa you have ever sat in. You could die here. But, you probably won't." A regal bookcase is here. It is scenery. The description is "You see a fine collection of classic books here- Volumes 1-8 of 'Action Armadillo', 'The Great War of Misteye the Eternal', and a collection of Fogwick fairy tales. You also see a few cookbooks on how to serve man, as well as one book you aren't familiar with, titled 'The Complete Collection of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.'" A pool table is here. It is scenery. The description is "This is the finest pool table you have ever seen. It was custom made for Joanne. The velvet covering it's surface is pink instead of green. All of the wood is painted a cream white. The cue ball is pitch black. All of the other pool balls are varying shades of purple, exept the 8-ball, which is bright white." Sky lights are here. "You can hear the faint hum of the lights passing above you." The description is "Those sky lights are getting closer... you better hurry and talk to Joanne!"

Joanne is a woman in Joanne's House. "Joanne stands near the bookcase. She looks suprised to see you- her cat ears are up and alert, and her tail is bristled. You notice her famous opal necklace, and admire the way it sparkles in the light." The description is "Joanne scans the shelves of her bookcase carefully. You've always wondered how she could afford all of the fine items in her home. You also wonder if Tacky ever objects to her decorating skills." Joanne wears an opal Necklace. Instead of quizzing Joanne about the leather sofa: say "'Oh, the sofa? I got that custom made at the Swanson Carpentry shop.' She laughs breezily. 'It's made of white buffalo leather. The cushions are stuffed with the finest down! The Wood is entirely hand carved Red Wood, and no nails were used.' She winks. 'It's held together with diamond pegs-they're sturdier than regular nails!'" Instead of quizzing Joanne about the regal bookcase: say "'All the books in my bookcase have been carefully hunted for by my... well, let's just call them little helpers.'" Instead of quizzing Joanne about the pool table: say "'That pool table Tacky and I both agreed on. We bought it together. It was entirely designed by Tacky- pink and purple are his favorite colors.'" Instead of quizzing Joanne about the sky lights: say "'Ah, yes. The only way to stop those darn lights is to close the demon portal in the library.' She sighs. 'But, do you really want to do that? It's so good for business! We get so many overdue book fees, us librarians can live like kings!' 
That explains it.
'Anyway, I have the key to the library somewhere here in the house... but you'll have to find it.'" Instead of quizzing Joanne about the opal necklace: say "'This necklace was handed down to the real women in my family for generations. It's a work of art!'" After touching Joanne: say "'Please, I don't want your peasant grime on me, even if you ARE Tacky's best friend!'" After petting Joanne: say "Joanne purrs audibly. It's very weird." After smelling Joanne: say "Joanne smells like Nutella and Babies. Also catnip." After tasting Joanne: say "'Dude! Just because everyone smells like Nutella and babies to you doesn't mean they taste like it!' 
Joanne tastes like catnip." After listening to Joanne: say "A low rumbling noise can be heard from deep in her core. She must be pretty content, right now." Instead of kissing Joanne: say "'Come on, bro! I've heard the stories about you going around and kissing and hugging random people, but I never thought they were true! That's just weird, buddy!'"
Instead of giving [something] to Joanne: say "'Dude, I already have so much stuff! You should hang onto what you have.'"
Instead of direction-looking north in Joanne's House: say "You see a bedroom."
Instead of direction-looking south in Joanne's House: say "You see the bathroom. You wish you had a bathroom. Lucky rich jerks."
Instead of direction-looking west in Joanne's House: say "You see Joanne's Kitchen."
Instead of direction-looking east in Joanne's House: say "You see the exit to Milles street."

The Bedroom is north of Joanne's house. The description is "This is the room Tacky and Joanne share. The walls are painted with shades of bubblegum pink, violet, and cream. Joanne's bed, dresser, and lamp are on the left, as well as some of her posters.

Tacky's bed, dresser, and lamp are on the right, as well as some of his photos."

Instead of direction-looking east in the Bedroom: say "You see Tacky's side of the room. His walls are striped pink and purple. He has a picture of his boyfriend Samuel on the wall above his bed. Samuel is holding one of his prized show squids, Mr. Tickles, in a tank. Mr. Tickles won first prize in the National Squid Show last year for 'Most Stunning Eyes.'"
Instead of direction-looking west in the bedroom: say "You see Joanne's side of the room. Her walls are white with large pink polka-dots. She has a $27,153 dollar limited edition Lisa Frank poster on her wall depicting a technicolor unicorn. It is encased in a frame coated in diamonds." 
Joanne's dresser is here. It is scenery. "It's locked, and there's nothing to open it." Joanne's Bed is here. It is an open enterable scenery container. The description is "It's a queen sized bed. The bedsheets are made of fine pink silk."
Joanne's posters are here. They are scenery. The description is "She has a $27,153 dollar limited edition Lisa Frank poster on her wall depicting a technicolor unicorn. It is encased in a frame coated in diamonds. She also has a Gorillaz band poster signed by Damon Albarn. It seems very out of place in the candy colored bedroom." Instead of taking Joanne's posters: say "Joanne will mess your shit up if you take her posters. She will sue you for every penny you and Blythe share." Joanne's lamp is here. It is scenery. The description is "The lamp has a rotating shade that looks like it casts shadows of moons and stars onto the wall. It's base is a rainbow ceramic teddy bear. You notice the lightbulb is painted rainbow, too. It's broken, though- you can't turn it on." Instead of fixing Joanne's lamp: say "Joanne's lamp is fixed! The shade slowly spins, casting rainbow shadows of stars and moons around the room. It hurts your eyes a bit." 

Tacky's bed is here. It is an open enterable scenery container. The description is "Tacky's bedframe is a light cotton pink. He has a grape colored bedspread (obviously handmade) and two white, fluffy pillows. An antique porcupine stuffed animal sits gently on his bed. You think it's name is Smitty?"
Smitty is here. It is scenery. The description is "Smitty! OH YOU! YOU ADORABOO WITTOO CUTIEEEE! D'awwww..." Instead of kissing Smitty: say "MWA! MWA! MWA! kissez mak et awl bettah!! don' cry, Smitty!"
Tacky's dresser is here. It is an openable scenery container. It is closed. The description is "Tacky's dresser is made of fine wood. The handles are made from copper and have turned green with age." After opening Tacky's dresser: say "when you open the drawer it smells like mothballs and OLD old spice. What is he, an elderly grandfather or a teenage boy?

Tacky's antique battle kilt is in here. That at least explains the smell." A battle kilt is in Tacky's dresser. The description is "Tacky's battle kilt has been handed down to the real men in his family for generations. So has a bottle of cologne from 1877. You wonder how they've lasted this long." Tacky's lamp is here. It is scenery. The description is "Another antique. This one, however, has been restored. The shade is violet, and the lamp base has been spraypainted shiny pink. It casts a soft glow around the room." Tacky's photos are here. The description is "Tacky has a nice framed picture of his boyfriend Samuel on the wall above his bed. Samuel is holding one of his prized show squids, Mr. Tickles, in a tank. Mr. Tickles won first prize in the National Squid Show last year for 'Most Stunning Eyes.' He also has an old black and white portrait of his family from 1872. Oddly enough, it looks like he's in the picture!  However, Tacky told you that that's just his father as a teen. The family resemblance is stunning!"

The bathroom is south of Joanne's house. The description is "What luxury! There's a marble sink, a claw footed tub, a towel rack, a medecine cabinet, and, the mother of all precious commodities-

[italic type] a toilet!!! [roman type]

Oh, how you wish you and Blythe had a bathroom! It'd beat trekking over to the police station restroom every time."

Instead of direction-looking north in the bathroom: say "You see the exit back to Joanne's living room."
A marble sink is here. It is scenery. The description is "The marble sink is smooth and cool to the touch, and it makes a gentle gurgle noise when you turn it on. You giggle with delight. an actual sink!!"
A tub is here. It is scenery. The description is "You wonder what it's like to take a bath? You had a real bath, once, before your dad married that Sumerian Snake queen. That bitch."
A towel rack is here. It is scenery. The description is "[italic type] mmmmmm. [roman type] Fluffy, white, freshly washed towels."
A toilet is here. It is an open enterable scenery container. The description is "[italic type] Oh! [roman type] Would you look at this? glimering ceramic perfection! The throne of angels!" 
Instead of sitting on the toilet: say "And it's [italic type] HEATED!!!! [roman type]!" Instead of kissing toilet: say "No, bro! you have no idea where that's been! Remember the evening of Taco night '98? [italic type]Never again...[roman type]."

A medicine cabinet is here. It is an openable scenery container. The medicine cabinet is closed. The description is "The medicine cabinet has a mirror on it. For the first time in your life, you have seen your own face. It fascinates and terrifies you at the same time. What's this fleshy thing in the middle of your face? It's got two holes in it- is it broken? No wonder everyone stares at you there." After opening the medicine cabinet: say "There sure is a lot of medicine in here. What's this one? ...[italic type] zilitin? [roman type] 'decreases symptoms of Arachibutyrophobia.' Weird.

There's also a simple key here. Maybe it's the key to the library?"
There is Zilitin in the medicine cabinet. It is scenery. The description is "Joanne has very intense Arachibutyrophobia. You think she's a little crazy for it, but apparently every day she lives in intense fear that peanut butter will stick to the roof of her mouth." Instead of taking Zilitin: say "you can't take that! Even if Joanne's fear [italic type] is [roman type] bogus, you don't want to endanger her if it isn't." There is a simple key in the cabinet. The description is "This has got to be the key to the library! It even says 'library' on it!" After taking the simple key: say "[italic type] aww yisssss. [roman type] Demon portal, here we come!"

Joanne's kitchen is west of Joanne's house. The description is "It looks no different from the kitchen you and Blythe share, aside from the pink and purple decor. There is a table, a stove, a fridge (another precious commodity you and Blythe dream of!) and a fancy bronze espresso machine."
Instead of direction-looking east in Joanne's kitchen: say "you see the exit back to Joanne's living room."
A pink table is here. It is scenery. The description is "jeez, do Joanne and Tacky have a maid, or something? This table is spotless! It even sparkles- No, wait. that's just the glitter mixed with the spray-paint."
A stove is here. It is scenery. The description is "Your friends must cook so many delicious meals on this stovetop."
An espresso machine is here. It is scenery. the description is "The directions say it takes a week to heat up. Woah! that's too much time to wait for a sip of coffee!" A fridge is here. It is an openable scenery container. It is closed. The description is "The fridge has tons of magnets on it. 'Tacky <3 Sam' is written on it in shiny pastel letters." After opening the fridge: say "There is so much [italic type]food[roman type] in here!! Have you died and gone to heaven? A cold beef pasty catches your eye." A beef pasty is in the fridge.  It is edible. The description is "Sometimes when you and Blythe have a few bucks to spare you buy beef pastys and eat them for dinner." After taking the beef pasty: say "mmm. Lunch for later." After dropping the beef pasty: say "Fine then. No lunch for you." After eating the beef pasty: say "KDJF KDFDKF K DJLKDAJ FDKJG AKDL JKFD JGKLDFJDFKJGFKDJG ALKJDF J!!!!!!!!!"
After smelling the beef pasty: say "It smells like ambrosia of the gods." Instead of kissing the beef pasty: say "Ok, now this is getting a little weird. Are you gonna eat the pasty or not?" After tasting the beef pasty: say "OM NOM NOM NOM NOM!"

The library is a room. The description is "Huge Shelves of books line the walls. The front desk has a layer of dust over it. You can see the soft glow of those blasted evil lights passing through the windows! A demon Portal swirls against the western wall, casting a faint blue glow around the room."

The Old Door is a door. The Old Door is scenery. The Old Door is lockable and locked. The Simple Key unlocks the Old Door. The Old Door is west of Town square and east of the Library. 

Instead of direction-looking west in The Library: say "you see the Demon Portal. It has a dog shaped opening in it. Weird."
Instead of direction-looking east in The Library: say "you see the exit to the Town Square."

Huge shelves are here.  They are scenery. The description is "You see many of your favorite titles here, like 'The Comprehensive Guide to Wooing Sea Turtles' (a classic), 'The Flame's fire,' and 'Maiming for Dummies' (extended edition." The front desk is here. It is scenery. the description is "A layer of dust coats the desk. The library has been closed ever since the demon portal barfed up a skeleton onto the library floor. The skeleton was quickly moved to an undisclosed location somewhere outside of town." The harsh lights are here. They are scenery. The description is "The lights are getting closer. You hope you can stop them before someone else in town is taken!" 

The Demon Portal is a door. The Demon Portal is scenery. The Demon Portal is lockable and locked. The small dog unlocks the Demon Portal. The Demon Portal is west of The Library and east of The Watcher's Temple. The description is "The portal has a large, dog shaped opening in it. Strange. You wonder if you can unlock it?"

The Watcher's Temple is a room. The description is "The room is very dark. With what little light you have, you can make out a large golden bowl in the center of the room. On either side of the bowl stand two strange beings that resemble... aliens? A faint humming sound can be heard in the distance."
Instead of direction-looking east in The Watcher's temple: say "You see the portal back to the Library."
A golden Bowl is here. It is scenery. The description is "The golden bowl casts a faint light. A strange black liquid splashes gently against the sides. Suddenly, you are astonished to see one of the infamous evil lights emerge from the liquid! So that's where they come from." A single lights are here. they are scenery. The description is "So this is where the lights come from. You wonder what these beings use them for?" Alien is a man in the Watcher's Temple. "One of the aliens looks like he's in charge. Maybe you can talk to him?" The description is "The alien wears a shiny suit. His dark eyes look like they're trying to worm their way into your soul. You decide not to look at him for long." Alien wears a shiny suit. Instead of quizzing Alien about the single lights: say "'Those lights are our messengers. They recruit citizens from Fogwick to become servants of the fog spirits.'

What.

no.

You have had enough of this shit.

'Well, stop.' You say. 'My friends and I live there. You guys are just jerks.'

Yeah, that's right! You tell em!

'Okay.' The alien says. 'But you gotta give us a weapon, first.' His buddy nods with excitement.

What a weird request. 'why?'

The alien shrugs. 'Cuz. Weapons are cool, I guess.'

Alrighty, then."
Instead of quizzing Alien about the shiny suit: say "'This suit? It's a collectors edition [italic type]philver[roman type] jumpsuit. Duh.'" Instead of quizzing Alien about the golden Bowl: say "'That bowl? It's the sacrificial bowl of the eight winged guardians.' The alien says bluntly. He leans in close. 'Personally, I've never met an eight winged guardian, but I'll know one if I see one!'

What the hell."

After giving the sword to Alien: say "'Thank's man!' The alien says. He gestures to his buddy. 'Alright, let's wrap this up! We got a sword now!!' 

An applause breaks out throughout the temple. Alien dudes run out from the darkness and start high-fiving each other and chest-bumping. You hear one guy shout 'We're going to Disneyworld!!'

You are very confused. 

Suddenly, an ambiant, winged creature gracefully descends from above. Everyone around you starts to laugh and cheer, then bow low to the floor. You have no idea what the fuck is going on.

The winged creature lands before you, taking the sword from the Alien guy in the [italic type]Philver[roman type] suit.

'YOUNG ONE,' It says in a low, gutteral voice. 'YOU HAVE SAVED THE EIGHT-WINGED GUARDIANS BY LOANING US YOUR MIGHTY INSTRUMENT OF DEATH!! FOR THIS WE ARE FOREVER GRATEFUL! NOW WE MAY FLY OFF INTO OTHER WORLDS AND DESTROY THE ENEMIES OF THE FOG SPIRITS!'

You shuffle uncomfortably. 'O-okay.' you stammer. 'Glad I could help, I guess.'

'YEAH.' The winged guardian nods, scratching his head. 'HEY, CAN WE GET YOUR NUMBER?'

The alien greys around you start cheering. '[italic type]number! number! number![roman type]'

'yeah, sure.' you akwardly scribble your number on a piece of paper. The Aliens woop and holler.

'THANKS, BRO!' The winged guardian says, and taps you on the forhead.

You are now standing in the Fogwick town sqare. The fog has drifted away, the sun is shining, and the trees are no longer illuminated. You have broken the curse of the Fog Spirits. This has been the craziest day of your life.";
end the story.